I went through years of terrible BS and general disappointment and have finally reached a place of self-love and confidence. It’s taken a lot of work, but now that I know my own worth and see myself as the queen I am, I won’t accept a guy who can’t recognize the beauty in my strength and the grace in my perseverance — and treat me accordingly.

My confidence is work of art. 

It can take years, sometimes even decades, for a woman to gain self-confidence. We live in a society encouraging us to be sexy but not too sexy, while also being smart, cool, accessible, sassy but still nice, etc. We’re told our value is based on our beauty but we’re judged when we wear makeup, buy certain clothes or act in a way that makes us seem “too eager for attention.” It’s amazing that any of us have any confidence at all, really. So when I show you mine, I need you to appreciate all that it took for me to find it.

Queens don’t take crap from anyone. 

I refuse to play childish games. If I like you, I’ll let you know. I expect you to do the same. Please don’t make me guess, please don’t play the hot-and-cold game over text and please don’t expect me to share you if we decide to become exclusive. I’ll be clear about my intentions, and you should be as well.

My body is beautiful and you should respect it. 

My body is just that – mine. I will give you access when I feel ready to do so and not a minute before. If you worship mine, I will worship yours. But it’s a two-way street, so be ready to give in order to receive.

I won’t be seeking your approval, just your support. 

It took me a long time to love the person I’ve become in all my strange and wonderful entirety. In order for us to work, you need to accept all that I am. I won’t be dressing, acting or communicating in a way to seek your approval. What we need to give each other is endless support. I’ll keep doing me and you do you and let’s be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. If you’re not down for that, then bye.

If you can’t handle all of my emotions, you don’t deserve me. 

Women have been given the BS label of “too emotional” for far too long. We’re all human beings, though, and gender doesn’t dictate our ability to feel. We’re all allowed to express our emotions freely, so long as our actions don’t hurt anyone else. So if seeing me cry or hearing me tell you about deep feels I’m experiencing freaks you out then you don’t deserve another second of my time.

My pleasure is non-negotiable. 

I place a great deal of importance on my partner’s sexual pleasure. I enjoy the control I feel giving head and the reward of getting my partner off with nothing more than my skills and attentiveness. But I won’t get on my knees time after time if you won’t do the same for me. Sex is fun. Exploring each other’s bodies is fun. If you won’t give as much as you get, I’ll find someone who deserves all of me.

I refuse to conform to any garbage gender roles. 

Don’t expect me to stay home and cook just because I have a vagina, and I won’t expect you to be the breadwinner and build me a bookcase with your bare hands just because you have a penis. Deal? We like what we like, and neither of us should be expected to perform certain tasks based on stereotypes that are 50+ years old.

If I love you, count yourself lucky. 

I love hard and I won’t apologize for it. As a classic introvert, I’m extremely picky about the few humans I choose to give access to my heart. If you’re one of them, you’ll have my full and unwavering devotion. I’ll be there whenever you need me, as often as you need me. But should you betray or hurt me, you will never see my face again — and it’s one that you will surely miss.

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