I’m a political activist with very strong views. I never thought I’d date anyone who didn’t feel the same way but one day, it happened. Rather than change my views or prove that opposites attract, it did nothing but make me understand that my dealbreakers are there for a reason.
IT MEANS WE’RE FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple who agreed on everything, but having different political views isn’t the same as deciding whether to watch an action movie or a romantic comedy. If a guy holds views that are so radically different from my own, it means our world views are radically different too. Being with a person who sees things in a way I generally find blatantly wrong is just not for me.
I’M NOT A NATURALLY ARGUMENTATIVE PERSON.
Being with a guy with opposing political views meant constantly arguing about politics. For some people, this sort of thing brings spice to a relationship. For me, it’s a constant, annoying struggle. I expect my relationship to be supportive, relaxing and uncomplicated. None of these things are going to happen if my world view is constantly being questioned by the person who’s meant to be my closest ally.
I’M SECURE IN MY POLITICAL BELIEFS.
Debating politics is a great way of opening your mind to new ideas and adjusting your political views as you go along, but guess what? You get to a certain age and you already have the big picture, the general idea of where you’re placed on the political map. I wasn’t going to change my mind, so there was no point in being forced to defend stuff I expect to be able to take for granted. It was just boring and repetitive. If I want to have boring, pointless arguments, I can go on social media, thanks.
TO ME, THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL.
Honestly, I know quite a few couples who disagree when it comes to politics. Most of them are not particularly politically active, though. They vote, but that’s about their extent of their interest in this field. On the other hand, I’m an activist. I go to demos, I volunteer, I campaign. This takes a lot of time, as well as mental and physical energy. The last thing I need is someone dragging me down when I come home to rest and take pride in my achievements.
I REALIZED I WAS CONSTANTLY ON EDGE.
Even when we agreed to disagree, the fact that I was dating a person who embodied many of the qualities I find unacceptable in other people was always at the back of my mind. When we argued, I was actively annoyed but even when we didn’t, I found I was always expecting the next time and getting annoyed in advance. The relief I felt when we broke up made me realize how much energy this was draining from me.
MY FRIENDS HATED HIM…AND THEY HAD A POINT.
Obviously, I saw some good qualities in my ex or I wouldn’t have dated him at all. However, my friends didn’t care about any of those. Hanging out with him and my friends was always awkward and never fun. He always felt the need to defend his views or at the very least roll his eyes or make some other passive-aggressive gesture when someone said something he disagreed with. Looking at him through my friends’ eyes, it became clear they would never accept him. Problem is, I knew exactly why. Rather than feel protective of him, I had to admit to myself that I agreed with their assessment.
HIS FRIENDS TREATED ME AS A PASSING PHASE.
When I tried hanging out with his friends, the situation was reversed. His friends assumed he was with me just because of my body and that nothing serious could ever come of it. It was a vibe I was constantly getting from them when we were out together. I also didn’t enjoy listening to their conversations, arguing with them or having them think I’ve admitted defeat whenever I couldn’t be bothered to argue anymore.
I’M HAPPIEST WHEN SOME TRUTHS ARE UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED.
Having to constantly explain and defend who I am and how I think and feel is tiring. It’s like constantly being at war. When I’m with my friends, there are some things we all agree on and they can remain unspoken, as everyone already knows where we stand. This means we don’t have to constantly think about what we’re about to say or consider whether it’s going to hurt anyone’s feelings or start an argument. I realized this is what I wanted in my relationship too.
I COULDN’T SEPARATE THE GUY FROM HIS POLITICAL VIEWS.
Sure, every person has lots of different aspects, both good and bad. My ex wasn’t a bad person. In many ways, he was a really nice guy, but something never felt quite right when we were together because I always knew we were on the opposite sides of the political spectrum. I felt that being together meant constantly ignoring stuff I felt very strongly about or constantly arguing about things. In the end, I just got tired and wanted an easier life.
THE MORE WE TALKED, THE MORE I FOUND HIS POLITICS AN ABSOLUTE TURN OFF.
If I don’t respect someone, I can’t be attracted to that person. I found that the more familiar I became with my ex’s political views, the less respect I had for him. Ultimately, I found myself becoming less attracted to him. While I’m all for interacting with people I disagree with, I think I need to be able to go home to someone who feels the same way as me, supports my views and understands my motivations. Even a warrior needs a safe space to rest in at the end of the day.
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