The More I Tried To Get You To Love Me, The Further I Pushed You Away

There was a time when I thought that I could make you fall for me — that love was just a game, and if I played my cards right, I’d win. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way that trying to force someone to love you usually has the opposite of its intended effect… and it cost me my relationship with you.

  1. I tried to be the girl of your dreams. Instead of just being myself, I tried to be the girl I thought you wanted. I knew I wasn’t your ideal girl, so I tried to change myself for you. All I wanted was to be with you even if I sacrificed my sense of self in the process. In the end, the more I tried to act like someone I wasn’t, the less attention you gave me.
  2. Love should be natural, not manipulated. I shouldn’t have needed to trick you or even simply asked you to love me — it should just happen naturally, without any sort of force. I thought if I played the game right, you’d automatically fall for me. I tried to control our entire relationship all so that I could make you fall madly in love with me, but instead, you wanted nothing to do with me.
  3. I was forcing myself into every aspect of your life. I wanted to be your whole world. I thought that if I inserted myself into every aspect of my life, you’d find that we were kindred spirits. We’d have the same friends, hobbies, and passions, and you wouldn’t be able to deny that we were meant to be. I tried to make it all come off casual, but it was all too obvious I was forcing a connection that wasn’t really there.
  4. I tried to convince you that I was your top priority. Even though I knew that I wasn’t, I so desperately wanted to be the number one thing in your life. I made you feel guilty about the other aspects of your life and even talked down about everything else in order for you to think that you could only confide in me. I wanted to be your number-one confidant so it would be impossible for you not to fall for me.
  5. I faked being the “cool girl”. Men are attracted to strong women, not weak ones. I thought I was coming off as the “cool girl.” You know, the one who can hang with the boys and is completely drama free. I was trying to make myself seem “different” from other girls, but in the end, it was obvious that wasn’t the real me. I thought I looked cool, but in reality, I reeked of desperation.
  6. I couldn’t accept that my love was unrequited. I loved you so much, and all I wanted was for you to love me back. I didn’t think that was too much to ask or that it would be that hard for you to simply choose to love me. I didn’t think it was possible to fall that hard for a boy who didn’t care. I thought you were true love, and that pressure is exactly what drove you away.
  7. I was so incredibly needy. I didn’t simply want your love — I needed it. I wanted to constantly know how you felt about me, where we were headed, and if we were on the same page. The more you pulled away, the more I needed you. Even worse, the more I wanted you, the more you wanted to get the hell away from me. I was emotionally high-maintenance, and I don’t blame you for running the other way.
  8. I was living in an imaginary fairy tale. I had planned a life with you and never even gave you a say in it. I wanted so badly for our love story to end happily ever after that I didn’t even realize we have no love story to begin with. I dreamed of fairy tales, and I pushed you to be my Prince Charming. I wasn’t the love of your life, though, no matter how hard I tried to be.
  9. I was suffering from some seriously low self-esteem. I couldn’t take a hint. No matter how poorly you treated me or how obvious you made it that you didn’t love me, I didn’t have the confidence to walk away. I just kept coming back for more. I kept telling myself that I’d never meet anyone like you and that you’d someday realize I was the girl for you. I had no sense of self-worth, and you definitely didn’t find that attractive.
  10. I tried to make things move too fast. Instead of taking our relationship slow, I did the exact opposite. I attempted to rush into a relationship and love without any consideration to how you felt about taking the next step. I just kept pushing you for more, more, more. I thought I was making you fall in love with me, but in the end, all I did was push you further and further away.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.