I Tried Having Sex In Public & I’ll Never Do It Again

For a lot of people, having sex in public is a total rush and a way to switch up routine intimacy. Personally, I’ve always been intrigued by the idea but not willing to go out of my way enough to actually try it… until I did. It ended up being the worst sexual experience I’ve ever had and one I’ll never try again. Here’s why:

  1. I Did it with a Stranger. My first big mistake was to start a romantic foray with a man I’d just met. Sure, it was passionate (and maybe a little desperate), but all of that intensity kept it from being smooth. Because we had just met, we hadn’t discussed anything about our desires beforehand. If you think talking about sex in private is rough, trying doing it in public!
  2. We Couldn’t Find a Good Location. Just like there are bad places to date, there are bad places to have sex. We met at a gathering and left to find a place to make out (or at least that was my intention when I left with him). His family was at the gathering, so I understood why he wanted to go somewhere else, but because this was a spur of the moment decision, we didn’t have a plan.
  3. He Forgot Protection. I mean, technically I also forgot protection, but I wasn’t the one who had sex in mind from the start, so I felt like he needed to be the one to run back into the house and grab a condom. Apparently it wasn’t so awkward until someone asked where I was. He explained I was outside waiting, which led to the natural question, “Waiting for what?” He stammered a bit and said he needed to grab a scarf. Luckily, no more questions were asked.
  4.  I was in a Foreign Country. So I had no idea what (or who) was nearby. I had no idea how to search for a good spot. It’s not like there’s a Google Maps extension for finding a discreet location. It was up to him to lead the way and when he finally chose a spot I thought he had discovered a park. It was dark, I was enamored, I was tipsy… I have plenty of excuses, but the bottom line is, we ended up in a cemetery.
  5. It was Uncomfortable 100% Of the Time. For those who enjoy public sex, much of the thrill comes from the fact that it’s taboo, not from having a comfortable ride. You can help yourself out by bringing a blanket wherever you go. I wanted to avoid grass because I felt that grass stains would be a pretty obvious sign of what I’d been up to. However, in a graveyard, the only other surface is stone. You know those long, rectangular memorial stones that are sometimes used during funerals for multiple people? That’s where I ended up and I got quite a few scrapes. In my defense, it seemed a lot like a bench.
  6. Someone definitely saw us. To my friend’s credit, he picked a very secluded graveyard. However, a lone woman still walked by on the sidewalk just beyond the graveyard’s fence. I was facing her at the time and had to interrupt him and point before he got the message that she was there. Because of the delay, she most certainly saw us and quickly walked away.
  7. We could’ve gotten in serious trouble. I think the only reason we didn’t get charged with public indecency is because that woman couldn’t bear to explain the situation to the police. However, plenty of people might have been perfectly willing to make a report, so we were certainly risking charges. I can’t imagine a cop would give you a pass for public indecency in a graveyard.
  8. I immediately regretted the experience due to the whole graveyard location. When we were hiding from this woman, we crouched behind the memorial we had previously been on top of. Kneeling there, I felt the engraved words on the stone and realized with distinct alarm that this was a graveyard. I was mortified and immediately regretted the whole experience.
  9. Once I came to my senses, I couldn’t continue. As soon as the poor woman was out of sight, I explained to my partner that there was no way we could finish. The only saving grace of the evening was that he immediately understood. He was very respectful and we were pleasant on our way back to the gathering. Awkward, but it could’ve been worse.
  10. I Should Have Respected My Own Limits. Looking back, I think I should have realized that I was more of a fantasize-about-public-sex girl than a try-public-sex girl. I mean, even if every single aspect of this sex had been comfortable, romantic even, I don’t think it would have been enjoyable for me. Ugh, never again.
Ellysa won't shy away from the hard truths about modern relationships. She will shy away from commitment-phobes, red roses and toe socks.