When my relationship with my toxic ex finally came to an end, I worried that someone else would fall for his charm and end up having to deal with his nasty and selfish behavior. When he got a new girlfriend, I thought I’d get in touch and warn her about him, but that turned out to be a terrible idea.
She accused me of being jealous.
Straight up, she actually had the nerve to say that I was jealous and wanted him back. Ha! That was the last thing I wanted! It was surprising that she’d be so rude about it without even hearing me out properly.
Admittedly, I know I looked kinda shady.
I could see the situation through her eyes. Here she was in the honeymoon phase of a relationship with him and he seemed totally amazing—I remember how charming, sweet, and kind he was in the first few months of our relationship. Then there I was snooping around on social media trying to discover if he had a new GF and who she was so that I could get in touch. It did look like my motives were selfish, but they really weren’t.
She already knew about me.
I was embarrassed that it looked like I wanted him back, but what was worse than that was the fact that she had all this info about me from him and she wasn’t afraid to throw it at me during our chat on Facebook. She told me that I’d been horrible to him and that he’d been the victim during our relationship when in reality, he was the toxic one!
It was my word against his.
There I was trying to help someone but having to defend myself against my ex’s lies. What a nightmare. I told her that I couldn’t really fight with her about him and I didn’t want to, but I just wanted to warn her that he was dangerous and a bad guy and that she should GTFO of the relationship before he hurt her.
I forgot that I was in her shoes before.
While I was trying to make her see clearly, I realized it was futile. So far, she’d only seen the great qualities that my ex had to offer. She must’ve thought I was crazy. Honestly, even if she’d seen some of his bad qualities, she probably didn’t want to believe that he was a lousy guy. I’d been there! I thought the same things about him too, and it took a lot for me to pay attention to the red flags.
She could only help herself.
Sadly, although I’d wanted to help her, it’s hard to help someone who doesn’t think that they need it! It was up to her to realize what she was dealing with and then rescue herself from that situation. I wished her well and I really did mean it. I hoped that my ex had changed his horrible ways and would treat her well, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen because he was so damaged. She didn’t have any positive feelings towards me, which sucked.
Why do women do this to each other?
It’s sad that women can be so supportive of each other but that this sometimes changes when a man is involved. Immediately, women will fight each other instead of seeing each other as being helpful. She saw me as the enemy and assumed that I wanted my ex back. No thanks!
I actually wondered if I had been a bit jealous.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to ever go back to my ex even if he were the last man on earth, but part of me wondered if he had actually changed. What if he’d become a better man and now his new girlfriend would reap all those rewards and all the lessons that he’d learned while dating me?
Then I realized it didn’t matter.
So what if I’d been the one before “The One”? At least I’d gotten out of that toxic relationship when I did so I could move on and be healthier of mind and spirit. My destiny was elsewhere, not with that loser, no matter how much he’d possibly changed.
She got back in touch a year later.
I wasn’t expecting to hear from my ex’s new girlfriend ever again, but I did. About a year later, she found me on Facebook again and told me that I’d been right to warn her about my ex. Apparently, she soon discovered that he was toxic, selfish, and just wanted to take advantage of her. I felt bad for her because I could tell from her message that she was heartbroken, but I was glad that at least she could now tell that I wasn’t some crazy or jealous person. Closure received, chapter closed. Thank goodness.
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