When you’ve been hurt, betrayed, and deceived in the past, maybe even multiple times, it makes a lot of sense that you’d end up with trust issues. Unfortunately, these issues make it difficult to truly find love, have meaningful long-term relationships, and let people in. If you’ve been through these things before, understand that the way you’re feeling makes sense but you need to try and work through it if you want to be part of a happy, healthy partnership in the future.
- You’ve trusted people in the past who gave you no indication that they would hurt you. There are certain people who you just know would be the type to screw you over. Sometimes it’s the way they present themselves, the things they say, who their friends are, or how they’ve treated other people in the past. Of course, people can change, but if someone has a track record of cheating or stealing, it probably wouldn’t be much of a surprise if they cheated or stole from you if you gave them the opportunity. However, sometimes you’ll let someone into your life who seems genuine and trustworthy, and that person ends up hurting you in a way that you never saw coming.
- You were in a toxic relationship in the past. This relationship may not even have been a romantic relationship. It could also have been an unhealthy relationship with a friend or family member. However, having had someone in your life who was emotionally or physically abusive would make anyone have trust issues.
- You’ve been lied to and manipulated by loved ones on more than one occasion. It’s hard to accept that someone who you completely trust and love could purposely deceive you. After all, your friends, family, and partner are all supposed to have your best interest at heart and want to protect you and care for you. Knowing that they’ve contributed to or directly caused pain and suffering in your life is devastating.
- You’ve been completely invested in a relationship only to find out your partner was unfaithful and/or not who they portrayed themselves to be. Not everyone who has been cheated on by an ex has trust issues, but you’re likely to develop them if you saw a future with that person and were completely blindsided by their betrayal. There’s nothing more damaging than feeling completely sure of your relationship only to find out that your security was based on an illusion.
- You value honesty and openness more than most people. Some people give more merit to honesty than others. Those kinds of people are always transparent and expect other people to be as well. However, not everyone is truthful and some people change the facts to benefit themselves. Having high standards for honesty isn’t a bad thing at all, but it is a major contributor to trust issues.
- Your upbringing was less than ideal or downright rocky. If your home life was unstable in any way when you were young, it’s understandable you would develop trust issues as you got older. Those early years are very formative of the adult you’ll become, so if you didn’t always feel like you had the support and security that you needed, it would make sense that you’re wary of other people and their intentions. You might be hesitant to let people into your life now because you’re used to only depending on yourself and you don’t want to give someone the opportunity to bring any stress or drama into your world.
- One or both of your parents were not a good role model. For example, maybe one of your parents wasn’t very involved in your life and didn’t seem to make an effort to show up when you wanted or needed them to be there. Another would be that they weren’t making good decisions, whether they directly affected you or not. The relationship your parents had with each other can also have a huge impact on your ability to trust, and if one of your parents cheated on the other, it totally makes sense you would worry about the same thing happening to you in your own adult relationships. No one is perfect, even parents, but having ones that you don’t respect or trust is a doozy.
- You’ve always been a forgiving person and understand that people do make genuine mistakes. If you have forgiven people when they unintentionally hurt you or when they made a sincere mistake in the past, then you know that you’re not overreacting when someone has deceived and hurt you to the point you’ve developed trust issues. There’s a difference between holding grudges, being super judgmental and unable to let go of the past and going through traumatic and/or impressionable experiences that leave an indelible mark on your ability to trust.