Here’s The Truth About Why Your Ex Is Contacting You

When the ex you thought you got rid of reaches out again out of nowhere on Instagram or Facebook, it seems like he’s keen on a relationship sequel. He’s probably not—he just doesn’t want you to know these 10 things.

  1. He was bored so he fired up your phone. He was chilling on a Saturday night, bored out of his mind because his plans changed at the last minute, so he thought of texting you to see how you’re doing. It doesn’t mean he actually wants to rekindle a spark. He’s just bored for the next few hours and wants to fill up his time.
  2. He’s pretty drunk. Maybe he’s not bored when he texts you out of the blue, wanting to chat and asking how your mom’s been doing. Maybe he’s actually out partying and totally intoxicated on cheap wine. You popped into his head and he figured he could drunk text you to have a quick chat. Yes, at four in the freaking morning.
  3. He’s not really checking in. He might say he’s checking in or he just wanted to see how you’re doing, but he might have a hidden agenda. He might be curious to find out what you’ve been up to and if you’re dating anyone. This is sometimes why exes crawl out of the woodwork to get in touch after weeks or months.
  4. He’s just chatting and it’s no big deal. It might seem like a big deal to you if you never got over your ex and he’s texting you again, but to him, it’s just a chat rather than a hint that he’s still into you. Sometimes it can be hard to deal with this, especially if you’ve got a major case of the feels for him.
  5. He’s horny. Okay, so he’s not bored and he’s not drunk. Well, maybe he’s a little drunk. He’s also horny and that’s why he’s getting in touch. He’s hoping that you can start sexting or something, as long as his whiskey d*ck doesn’t get in the way, of course. Ugh.
  6. He doesn’t want you to know what he’s up to. Ever chatted to an ex who wanted to know if you’re dating anyone but then when you asked him the same question, he stopped the conversation dead? It’s so infuriating. He might not do this when it comes to dating news, but news in general. It’s like he’s hoping to remain mysterious but get info from you. So nosy.
  7. He’s flirting for fun… You might wonder why the guy’s flirting with you if he doesn’t actually ever ask you out. Well, it could be because he’s just living in the moment and having fun. Flirting with you strokes his ego when he’s lonely or needs to feel good. It’s that simple, and nothing more.
  8. Or he’s flirting to suss out your interest. Another reason why your ex comes up out of the blue and flirts with you hard via text is that he’s hoping to check if you’re still interested or not. If you’re open to his flirts and you flirt with him, he’ll see that there could still be romantic potential for the two of you. You know, like if he’s really bored next weekend and his new girlfriend is out of town.
  9. He sent you a general message. Oh, the horror! If your ex has contacted you after months of silence, you might wonder what’s up. Well, if the message is a little too generic, it might be because it’s been sent to the 200 people on his phone’s contact list. You might still be listed in his “group,” which is why you’re getting this message. Great way to not feel special.
  10. He made a mistake. Maybe the guy really believes that he made a mistake in dumping you, and that’s why he’s hoping to get back in touch. Of course, he’s not going to come in with guns blazing. He’s going to take things slowly, perhaps send you a sweet (but not too flirtatious) text to suss out if you’re keen to chat to him. But this kind of guy who regrets breaking up is going to handle things completely differently from a toxic guy. He’s not going to flirt shamelessly or only text you after midnight.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.