I Try To Date But Always End Up Wishing I Hadn’t Bothered

It’s the story of my life and yet I never learn — every time I put myself out there and try to get back into the dating scene, I end up regretting it. It only seems appealing once it’s been long enough that I’ve forgotten what a waste it actually is. Here’s why I’m much happier abstaining entirely:

  1. It takes too much time. I wouldn’t mind the time spent if I had some guarantee that anything would come of it, but as we all know, usually nothing does. I have so much going on in my life that I’d rather dedicate that time to and I usually regret spending any of it on dating.
  2. I can’t stand going on dates. I mean, can we all agree that it’s the worst? It’s so unnatural and stilted and such a weird way to spend your time. You’re meeting to eat food or drink drinks or whatever with a total stranger in the hope that somehow the two of you will magically hit it off. The odds aren’t great, and it’s more often awful or mediocre than amazing.
  3. I hate awkwardness. There’s nothing more inherently awkward than dating someone you’ve never met. It can even be strange to go on a date with someone you know, especially if you never thought about them that way before. I’d rather just skip the whole ordeal and continue going about my life the way I do now.
  4. I don’t have extra nights to waste on strangers. I’m a busy lady with a non-traditional work schedule, which means that I’m tied up most nights and all weekend. My free time is a precious commodity, so I get pissed when I end up wasting it on yet another fruitless date.
  5. I hardly get asked out anyway, so it’s difficult to feel enthused. Part of the reason I never have to worry much about the issue of dating is that no one asks. Half the time I end up initiating because I get impatient, and — go figure — I end up with passive guys in my life. It’s the worst, but the only way I go on dates at all is to become the aggressor. Obviously that gets old and I don’t like it, so I don’t bother at all.
  6. It all feels so contrived. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked on a date in person, so I probably wouldn’t know how to react if it ever happened. I’ve used dating apps and that feels even weirder and more forced. I hate the whole process, which is why I fall into casual situations with men who are too lazy to ask me out in the first place.
  7. I’d rather do almost anything else. I enjoy my friends, have tons of hobbies, and live in a big city. I don’t need to go on dates for entertainment. I find them to be more like pulling teeth than anything else, so I’d literally rather stay home with my cat, dye my hair, and read a book than go out with a random guy.
  8. I’ll choose a friend over a date every time. It’s true. I know that a night out with a friend is a guaranteed good time. A date? Not so much. It’s hit or miss, so I’ll always choose spending fun times with people who I already know value me and my company.
  9. Dating usually goes nowhere. I guess I sound cynical, but it’s the truth. The odds are not in my favor. I don’t like doing things I’m not good at and I really don’t feel like I’m good at dating. It’s simpler to abstain and keeps the drama out of my life. When I don’t date, my feelings aren’t at the mercy of anyone’s actions.
  10. Even if there’s a spark of promise, it fades out. I’m so tired of getting my hopes up against my better judgment and then getting hurt yet again. I know I can’t succeed if I don’t try, but I don’t find my single life to be anything close to failure. I’m very content without a man around. Why mess with something that always ends up hurting me?
  11. I lose my focus on my goals. Dating is pesky because no matter what, I do end up a bit distracted. Even if I’m still busy and productive, I lose some of my edge. It’s a given consequence of adding another element into my life, even if I don’t even see the dude all that much.
  12. It disrupts my perfectly happy single life. I’m always fine, and then that little voice in my head whispers that I should be discontent with my loner style. In reality, I love being single! Yes, if some amazing love came along, I’d go for it, but I don’t really believe in searching it out anymore. I’m tired of the drama.
  13. I only date because I miss sex and get frustrated. I hate that I still care about sex so much — I have a very healthy sex drive and I like getting my needs satisfied on the regular. I’ve gone through dry spells so long that I hardly felt like a sexual being anymore and it sucked. I don’t have any casual sex partners I can turn to, which is super annoying because dating for sex ends up in disaster.
  14. As soon as I let myself fall for someone, he breaks my heart. It’s gotten to be such a regular occurrence that it feels like some kind of dumb curse. It’s like they can smell that I finally care, they’ve won, and they aren’t interested anymore. I’m really over that, trust me. It makes me terrified to actually let myself care about a man and that’s tragic.
  15. It’s a stupid game that I don’t want to play. I’m not into playing games. I like things to be simple, sweet, and direct. I’m too old for that crap. I want to know exactly how someone feels about me and I want to feel comfortable showing how I feel in return. What’s wrong with that? I’d think that would be appealing but turns out, a lot of guys love to play games. I’m done with players and I’m tired of making an effort.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.