Trying To Be The Perfect Girlfriend Will Have The Opposite Effect

Whether you’re just starting in a relationship or have been in one for years, the expectation of being an amazing girlfriend is constantly looming overhead and it’s ridiculous. Instead of focusing on how to be the perfect girlfriend, why not put that energy towards being the best version of yourself? Here are some reasons why you should focus on yourself rather than striving to be his dream woman:

  1. Don’t reinforce gender roles. All ’50s housewives did was wait on their guys hand and foot and raise the kids. That was their job and they were damn good at it. Now we have better things to do than to take on the role of someone else’s mother. Don’t forget that you have your own life to live and can’t spend all your time looking after your guy like a child. Do you really want someone that is incapable of surviving without you anyway?
  2. If a man wants to change you, drop him. That’s right—drop him like a hot curling iron! Why let someone fall for the idea of what you could be as opposed to who you really are? If he wants to create the perfect woman, he can do that through The Sims all by himself. There’s a guy out there who will love you as-is. Go find him.
  3. Don’t fake it ’til you make it. If you fake it, who are you trying to be? Some version of what you think he wants? You’ll just be making blind guesses about what you should be rather than focusing on who you truly are and who you strive to be. So much energy will be wasted in living this double life. Isn’t it so much easier to be yourself?
  4. You’ll NEVER be the perfect girlfriend because she doesn’t exist. Every man you ever meet will have a different definition of what the perfect girlfriend is. Why try and strive for the impossible? All that can be expected of you is to be the best version of yourself, not some idea of what you should be. After all, you don’t expect him to be a literal Prince Charming, do you? (If so, you need to adjust your expectations.)
  5. Don’t let your relationship define who you are. Your partner should highlight how amazing you are, not alter or define it. You should never be reduced to being just someone else’s accessory or define yourself by your relationship status or lack thereof. Make your own mark and be your own person, for God’s sake!
  6.  Support him and expect the same in return. If you want to cook for your significant other to help him out every now and then, by all means, you should do that! Don’t do those things because you think it’ll give you brownie points somewhere down the line or because you think it’s expected of you. Call me crazy, but I think you should be supporting your partner as much as they support you (equality is a great thing!)
  7. Lying to yourself (or to someone else) doesn’t do anybody any favors. Don’t create this false narrative of who you are. If you really are one of those girls that works out every morning and eats smoothies as a meal then more power to ya. If you’re one of those girls that has an ass print in the couch from binge-watching Netflix for days on end, own it! Be who you are—don’t pretend to be something you’re not. That’s too much energy to fake a reality for yourself and whoever else you invite into it. Plus, the truth will come out eventually and it won’t end well.
  8. Know that being the amazing you will come with time. Don’t panic of you feel like you don’t know who you are yet. Millennials constantly live in this existential crisis wondering who we are and where we fit in this world but we need to lessen the pressure. Try new things, figure out what and who you like. We’re always changing and evolving, so spend the time figuring out who you are.
  9. Don’t listen to anybody else’s opinions. While other people in your life are just trying to help you out by throwing their opinions around like Oprah giving away cars, don’t listen to them! Yes, it is very nice that your mom thinks you should be a chef or your grandma thinks you should hurry up and get married and start popping out her grandchildren, but what good will come out of letting other people influence your decision making? Follow your heart and follow what you want to do with your life. It’s your life, after all.
  10. Being true to yourself is the best thing you could do. If you’re truly yourself, someone out there will connect with you naturally and like you for who you are. You’ll land the guy because of who you are rather than creating a false version to please someone else.
Adrienne Way is a recent graduate from the University of Colorado Boulder, while there she received a BFA in Film Studies. With this expensive education she makes videos on YouTube (feel free to subscribe https://srv/bindings/4f3fd4e55db24c47b3565226fd064e38/, writing articles, and going outside once a month.