Trying To Figure Out Why You’re Still Single? Consider This

You’re not just open to finding love, you’re actively looking for it. You put yourself out there, do everything you can to make yourself seem approachable and available, and you’re still coming up empty handed. It’s frustrating as hell, but it’s not your fault. If you’re wondering why you’re still rolling solo when you’re such an incredible catch, here’s the answer:

  1. You refuse to settle. This is a big one, and likely the most important. But here’s the problem — “settling” in itself isn’t always that bad. It just means that your partner has a few qualities that you might not be super fond of. If it’s something like video games (and nothing dangerous like an uncontrollable sex addiction, or drugs) you might need to let it go, or at least give yourself some time to see if you can adjust — that is, if you like him more than you hate his list of cons. However, if he’s just not on your level, there’s no shame in waiting for someone who is.
  2. You’re not putting yourself out there. A great guy might not just come up and approach you at the bar — you may need to bite the bullet and do some of the work yourself. Guys like girls who are daring enough to approach a possible match, as it takes some of the pressure off of them. If there’s something you want, you should try your hardest to get it, not just sit around and mope when things don’t line up like a fairytale.
  3. Your “guy checklist” is way, way too detailed. Again, no guy is perfect. If you have a mental checklist in your mind, it may be impossible for someone to match every single guy-quality you hope to land in a boyfriend. It’s fine to be choosy, but you don’t want to be so choosy that you’re difficult to date. Maybe put the list down and get to know someone without any pre-set boundaries. You might realize you didn’t actually know what you wanted at all.
  4. Your confidence makes people think you’re already taken. You don’t give off the “looking to meet someone” vibe since your confidence is off the hook — it’s either giving off the vibe that you’re taken or that you’re just not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship. Confidence is an amazing thing, and while you shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not, maybe you can add some flirty maneuvers to your “getting to know you” spiel.
  5. Also, that confidence might make guys think they don’t stand a chance. Not saying that all guys are looking for a “project,” but hey — you’re pretty intimidating. You’re smart, can communicate well, and have your act together. That’s terrifying for a guy. This isn’t actually a bad thing because you should NEVER dumb yourself down for the sake of some dude. However, sometimes you can be a little too self-sufficient to the point where you won’t allow a guy to do anything for you, which will likely make him think you don’t need or want him in your life.
  6. You’ve never needed a boyfriend to feel complete. You’ve never leaned on having a boyfriend before, so why would things change now? Some girls only feel bad about being single based on people on the outside telling them that this isn’t “normal” — those same people have probably tried to set you up before with their weird cousins and socially awkward college lab partners. You’re single since couplehood doesn’t matter to you, but you’re probably freaking out based on the way others perceive it.
  7. Maybe you’re just too hard on people you’ve dated in the past. Know how Jerry Seinfeld had a different girlfriend on almost every single episode of “Seinfeld”? It’s because he was way too picky, and managed to find a small problem and blow it up into a huge one. It’s funny on television, but in real life it’s kind of sad. If every past relationship ended comically (like, “his laugh was too loud,” or “sometimes he snores”), you may be the real problem here.
  8. You’re already married to your job. Working women are incredible, and you should be proud if you spend a ton of time killing it in a career you love. But if you’re working well over 40 hours per week and refuse not to answer that work e-mail you got at 1 AM in lengthy detail, you’re already in a relationship — with your job. And, it’s hard to balance two relationships. While you should never quit something you love, you might need to work even harder to give yourself some breathing room to even meet potential boyfriends. Try to unplug a little, and show guys that you’re more than your career.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.