I had a serious crush on a guy and I thought the best way to get his attention was to try and make him jealous. Needless to say, that didn’t quite work out. It’s so true what they say: jealousy messes with your mind! Here’s how I royally screwed things up.

I was incredibly insecure. I was worried that this guy I was crazy about was into other women or didn’t find me interesting enough to date me. Instead of dealing with those issues, like I really should have done, I thought it would be a good idea to try to make him jealous. Oh boy.

I was actually the jealous one. I saw how much attention he got from other women and how many pretty women were always hovering around him. It made me jealous as hell. In a way, I wanted him to feel some of that discomfort. If he could be a bit jealous for once, he would know what it felt like and he’d realize that he should stop stalling and make something happen with me before I got snapped up by someone else. I didn’t get the memo that I really should have had the self-confidence to get his attention, not insecurity.

I wanted to boost my self-worth. Looking back, I wanted to make myself feel like I was worthy of his love. I thought by making him jealous, I’d essentially be showing him that I was in demand. If he thought that other guys wanted me, maybe it would make him want me and ask me out already… or so I hoped.

I got closer to another guy friend. I invited the guy I had crush on to go to a party one night—we usually hung out in a group—and then I decided to invite my sexy, flirtatious male friend to the party too. He was really not my type, but I knew he had the type of personality that would ruffle up some feathers and hopefully make my crush jealous.

He left the party early. I wasn’t sure if my strategy had worked or not, but I flirted with my friend and tried to ignore my crush for a bit during the evening. My crush then left the party early, claiming that he had to wake up early for work the next day. I thought maybe my strategy had made him jealous but I wasn’t sure. I waited to hear from him.

Turns out, he didn’t even notice! He mentioned nothing about my friend or the flirting session he’d witnessed between us. He acted like nothing even happened. Wait, was he really not bothered by any of it? Was I totally wasting my time?

I tried to do more. When he invited me out to dinner a few nights later, I thought my strategy must have worked, so I increased my efforts to make him jealous. This was stupid, I know, but playing games can be addictive at times. Anyway, I told him I couldn’t make it because I had to be my friend’s plus-one to another event. Yes, the hot friend he’d met a few nights previously.

He called out my game-playing. Maybe this guy was jealous or maybe he just had a strong intuition and knew what I was doing, but he said he was sick of my games. Couldn’t I just be serious for once? He got upset and I ended the call quickly, thinking that I had him just where I wanted him.

He never asked me out. I waited and waited, thinking he’d come back and apologize for losing it with me. I even thought (stupidly, I realize) that he’d ask me out, realizing that I was in demand and he was close to losing out on a chance to be with me. Guess what? He didn’t come back. Days went by and I heard nothing from him. This was really bad because we used to talk every day.

I called him to see what was up. A whole week went by and then I started to worry that I’d pushed him away with my strategies and games. He was cold on the phone and said that he realized that I wasn’t the type of person he wanted to date after all. He always got along with me, but by trying to make him jealous, I became just like everyone else who tried to mess with him. Great.

I was cornered. Not only had my little jealous game backfired on me, it had made me lose a great guy and it had cornered me. I had to tell him the truth and come clean about what I’d done in the hope that he would forgive me and give me another chance. I did tell him why I’d been trying to make him jealous but he didn’t see things from my perspective. All my games showed him was that we weren’t right for each other.

He was right. Looking back, I see that the guy was so right to ditch me. I mean, would I want to be with someone who I first had to make jealous before he’d ask me out? I know my value and I don’t need to play games to try to increase my self-worth!

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