I Had My Tubes Tied At 21 & Now I’m Desperate To Get Pregnant

By the time I was 21, I was seven months pregnant with my second child. I was sick pretty much the entire time and doctors later discovered fluid around my heart. Since I had to schedule a C-section delivery, I decided to have my tubes tied at the same time to avoid future pregnancies. I was sure it was the right thing to do but now, seven years later, I realize I kind of want another baby.

My biological clock is still ticking. The closer I get to 30, the louder my biological clock is ticking. It’s made me downright desperate for another child and I feel powerless to stop it. I had my first two at a really young age, which wasn’t necessarily ideal, but now’s a great time to have a baby because my finances and my life in general are both a little more stable. Plus, everyone my age is just starting to have their first, and they look absolutely blissful and prepared for the adventure. I want to join in!

C’mon, admit it—babies are adorable. If you’ve never sniffed a baby, go find one and do it now! I miss the way my babies would curl into me and sleep so peacefully, curling their tiny hands around my finger. The feeling of holding your baby close to your heart is indescribable but I’ll never get to experience that again and it really sucks.

Part of me just wants all the cool new baby clothes, toys, and gadgets. Have you seen baby gear this day and age? Everything is cuter, from the bedding to the clothes, and I wouldn’t mind in the least rocking today’s maternity clothes! It’s vain and selfish, but there it is. I’m also totally into the technology of today’s baby gear and I want to try out all the new stuff that wasn’t around when mine were babies.

My first two pregnancies were accidental; I want to plan one. Both of my pregnancies were very unplanned. When I see couples announcing that they’re having a baby, I celebrate with them but I also feel a twinge of jealousy. With both of my kids, I spent my entire pregnancies worrying about everything from finances to falling flat on my face at parenting. I want to experience the pure joy of planning for a baby.

I’m a damn good mother with a lot to offer a child. My kids are my favorite topic of conversation. If you’re around me, I’ll talk your ear off recounting every accomplishment, milestone, or funny story. I’ve raised and molded them into the young adults they’re all too quickly becoming. Having another baby around to do the same with would fulfill this longing I have, I’m sure of it.

I’m halfway done with the hardest part of parenting—what will I do then? While your kids are your kids forever, I now have a 7- and 10-year-old who are asserting their independence more every day. Don’t get me wrong, the self-sufficiency is nice most of the time, but when my daughter doesn’t need my help tying her shoes or putting together (questionable) outfits in the morning or my son refuses to talk about what upset him at school, I want to go back to the days when I could make everything better with a hug and a kiss. It saddens me how quickly the time has gone and I feel the need now to do it again from scratch.

I was a kid making grown-up decisions. When I made the decision to have my tubes tied, I was 21. Most doctors now won’t even consider doing it until you’re 25, and rightfully so. I didn’t look to the future and think about what I would want down the road. I know my experience isn’t anyone else’s and not everyone who decides to get their tubes tied regrets it, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t.

It’s expensive to fix the problem. I know you can have it reversed, but it’s expensive and not 100% guaranteed to work. Do I really want to put my body through another procedure and spend thousands of dollars out of pocket for a chance of having another baby? A small part of my heart screams “YES!” every time I let my mind go there but I know I should probably let that dream go.

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