Hey there, ever had someone in your life who seems to have a knack for playing mind games and pulling you back into their orbit? We’ve all encountered individuals with narcissistic tendencies who employ manipulative tactics to maintain control over our emotions. Here are some twisted things narcissists do in their quest to regain control over you.
1. They Promise to Change.
You’ve likely heard this classic line from a narcissist: “I promise, I’ll change.” When they sense you slipping away, they’ll pull out all the stops to convince you that they’ve had a revelation and are ready to become a better person. It’s incredibly tempting to believe them, especially if you’ve been through rough patches together. But here’s the catch: narcissists are known for their manipulation skills. Real change takes time, therapy, and genuine self-reflection, not just empty words. It’s crucial to remember that you deserve more than mere promises; you deserve actions that prove their commitment to change.
2. They Play the Victim.
Narcissists are experts at flipping the script and turning themselves into the victim. They’ll say things like, “You abandoned me” or “You’re the one who hurt me.” It’s a guilt trip designed to tug at your heartstrings and make you feel responsible for their emotions. This tactic can be emotionally exhausting because it leaves you second-guessing your decisions. However, it’s vital to see through this manipulation. While it’s essential to empathize with others’ feelings, it’s equally important to recognize when someone is trying to use your empathy against you.
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4. They Shower You with Affection.
When a narcissist senses that you’re pulling away, they can suddenly transform into the most charming, affectionate partner you’ve ever known. They’ll shower you with compliments, love notes, and lavish gifts. It’s as if they’ve become the person of your dreams overnight. However, don’t be fooled by this love-bombing tactic. It’s often a calculated strategy to regain control over you. Stay cautious and remember that genuine affection is consistent and not a tool for manipulation.
5. They Bring Up the Good Times.
Ah, nostalgia! Narcissists love to remind you of the happy moments you’ve shared together. They’ll say things like, “Remember how happy we used to be?” This tactic aims to make you question your decision to distance yourself and can trigger feelings of longing for what once was. While it’s natural to cherish positive memories, it’s essential to balance them with the reasons you took a step back in the first place. Remember that the past is not a reliable indicator of future behavior.
6. They Play Mind Games.
Narcissists are masters of mind games, and one of their favorite tactics is gaslighting. They’ll manipulate your perception of reality by making you doubt your own thoughts and memories. You’ll hear phrases like, “You’re overreacting” or “That never happened.” Gaslighting is a potent tool in their arsenal, and it can be challenging to navigate. Trust your instincts, keep a record of facts, and seek support from trusted friends and professionals to maintain your grasp on reality.
7. They Offer Pity and Sympathy.
At times, narcissists play the pity card. They’ll talk about their difficult life circumstances, past traumas, or challenging experiences to gain your sympathy. While empathy is a crucial human quality, be cautious of falling into their web of self-pity, as it can lead you back into a toxic cycle. It’s important to remember that true change and healing require sincere self-reflection and professional help. Maintain your boundaries and prioritize your emotional well-being as you engage with individuals who employ such tactics.
8. They Feign Vulnerability.
Narcissists are known for their emotional armor, but when they want to pull you back in, they might reveal a seemingly vulnerable side. They’ll share personal struggles or insecurities, making you feel like they’ve finally let their guard down. However, be cautious of this tactic. It could be a calculated move to manipulate your empathy and gain your trust. True vulnerability involves genuine self-reflection and a willingness to change, not just a momentary act.
9. They Discredit Your Support System.
Another trick narcissists use is discrediting your support system. They’ll subtly undermine the opinions and advice of your friends and family, making you question their intentions. This tactic isolates you and leaves you more reliant on the narcissist for emotional validation. It’s essential to recognize the importance of your support network and seek their guidance when navigating tricky situations.
10. They Utilize Triangulation.
Triangulation is a common manipulation tactic where the narcissist brings a third party into the mix to create jealousy or competition. They might mention an ex-partner or a potential new love interest to make you feel threatened and anxious. It’s a ploy to regain control by stoking your insecurities. When faced with triangulation, remember that a healthy relationship is built on trust and open communication, not mind games.
11. They Twist Facts and Gaslight.
Narcissists are skilled at twisting facts and gaslighting, but they can take it to the next level when trying to draw you back in. They may concoct elaborate stories or exaggerate past events to make you question your own memory and judgment. Recognizing this manipulation tactic is literally the only way to maintain your sense of reality and protect your emotional well-being. If you’re doubting yourself, talk to someone you trust to confirm your suspicions.
12. They Engage in Flattery and Adoration.
When narcissists want to draw you back in, they can turn on the charm with flattery and adoration. They’ll shower you with compliments, praising your every move and making you feel like the most exceptional person on Earth. This sudden surge of attention can be intoxicating, but remember that it’s often a manipulative tactic to regain control. True admiration should be consistent and not just a tool for manipulation.
13. They Pretend to Be Your Biggest Fan.
Some narcissists will play the role of your biggest fan, showing unwavering support for your goals and dreams. They’ll cheer you on and promise to help you achieve your aspirations. However, this support can quickly turn into control as they use your ambitions as a means to keep you under their influence. Healthy relationships encourage personal growth without strings attached.
14. They Utilize Guilt by Association.
Another tactic narcissists employ is guilt by association. They may align themselves with influential people or situations that make you feel obligated to maintain a connection with them. This tactic relies on your fear of missing out or damaging your own reputation. Remember that genuine relationships should be built on mutual respect and not on external pressures.
15. They try to gain Your Sympathy.
Some narcissists play the sympathy card with tales of personal tragedies or hardships they’ve endured. They may claim to have changed due to these experiences and evoke sympathy to pull you back in. While empathy is essential, it’s crucial to differentiate between genuine growth and manipulative tactics. True change involves consistent actions, not just stories of hardship.
16. They Disguise Control as Concern.
Lastly, narcissists often disguise their control as genuine care for your well-being. They may monitor your actions, decisions, and friendships under the guise of wanting what’s best for you. While caring for someone’s welfare is commendable, be vigilant if their concern turns into invasive control. Healthy relationships respect boundaries and allow you to make your choices freely.
