Guys who aren’t being genuine with you are known for spewing some pretty ridiculous cliches to avoid being honest and/or to pull the wool over your eyes. You’re a smart woman and can clearly see through his lies, but what does he really mean by the BS that comes out of his mouth?
- “It’s not you, it’s me.” This is usually said when your situationship has run its course and he’s trying to let you down gently. He doesn’t want to be remembered (or talked about) as a total a-hole, so he’s trying to soften the blow in the hope that you won’t talk crap about him afterward. What’s funny about this is that it’s totally true—it really is him and definitely not you—but in his mind, it’s BS and he’s just paying you lip service.
- “I’m just really busy right now.” He’s down to hang out as long as there’s sex involved, but once you try to steer things towards actual relationship territory by suggesting spending time with him without hooking up, he’s “too busy” to hang. In other words, if you’re not putting out, he’s not interested. If you haven’t slept with him, this is also code for “I’m just not that into you.”
- “I thought we were just having fun?” Another gem that guys like to offer when you get “too serious” or “too clingy” by trying to define the relationship or you ask him where things are going after weeks or even months of dating. If you’re having so much fun, why doesn’t he want to make things official. This is his way of letting you know that if it’s the girlfriend title you’re looking for, you’re never going to find it with him.
- “You’re not like other girls.” Why guys think this is a compliment, I’ll never know. A dude who tells you this is really laying it on thick, thinking he’s swooning the pants right off your body. In reality, it’s a meaningless, nothing phrase that he’s only saying because he wants you to feel special—not because he really feels that way. Next time someone says this to you, let him know that you actually are like a lot of other girls, and proud of it. Women are awesome.
- “You’re the kind of girl I can see myself marrying.” This isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, it’s just that guys who say it tend to do so on the first date when they don’t even know you. It’s another pointless phrase that they think will make you more likely to have sex with them. Never mind the ridiculous assumption that a) you’re that impressionable and b) that you even want to get married—he wants you to let your guard down—and preferably your pants.
- “I’m definitely a feminist.” If he was a feminist, he wouldn’t have to say it. A guy who announces himself as a card-carrying member of the decent human being club is doing so because again, he wants to impress you and thinks you’d be more likely to give it up to a dude who’s super evolved and believes in equality. What he doesn’t realize is that calling yourself a feminist doesn’t make you one and believing in equality of the sexes doesn’t make you some enlightened being—it just makes you a decent one. It’s a buzzword he’s trying to use for his own gain, not because he actually believes/lives it.
- “I never do this.” If he’s giving you the ol’ razzle-dazzle and turning on the charm, paying you endless compliments and regurgitating some of the above gems, he’s likely to tell you that it’s a very rare occurrence indeed and that he never does this/feels this way/etc. BS alert! He’s again trying to make you feel special by insisting that no girl compares. Maybe this works for some women but not for you.
- “Why don’t we just go with the flow/see what happens?” Sure, you can keep dealing with his inconsistency, his inability to make concrete plans, the fact that he only texts you late at night and sometimes goes AWOL for days on end… if you’re an idiot. A guy who wants to “see what happens” doesn’t plan on having anything happen with you. You’re convenient for now and he’ll drop you when you’re not anymore. Walk away.
- “I’m scared of commitment.” No he’s not. A guy who has the self-awareness to know that he has commitment issues should also have the maturity to confront those issues and be willing to take steps to overcome them. In other words, issues or not, if he likes you, he’ll want to be with you and will take the necessary steps to make that so. If he won’t commit to you because he’s “scared” of it, what he really means is that he doesn’t want to, end of story.