The Ultimate List Of Universal Dealbreakers

The Ultimate List Of Universal Dealbreakers ©iStock/maxphotography

A large part of the process of finding the right person for you includes figuring out what flaws you can deal with and which you definitely can’t and won’t. While we all have some pet peeves that are totally unique to us, the following dealbreakers should never be tolerated — no matter how laid-back you may be:

  1. He blows up over minor stuff. This is the #1 sign that a guy can turn abusive, and to be frank, it’s just not a good character trait to have. A good future husband won’t be flipping out at small things. After all, if he can’t handle the small stuff, how will he react when something major happens?
  2. He constantly chips away at your self-esteem. This is actually a form of mental abuse, and it’s one that can start quite subtly on the first date. If you notice him putting down your work, telling you that you don’t need that last cake slice, or doing similar things, back away. This will only get worse.
  3. He has no motivation or desire to grow or achieve anything. Does the guy have no goals? Does he do nothing to better his situation? Is he always mooching off people? If so, this isn’t someone who is dateable. He’s really just looking for a sugar mama, and he’s hoping that it will be you.
  4. He doesn’t respect you or women in general. If a guy can’t respect you, he’ll never be a good boyfriend. It’s just that simple. This doesn’t have to be outright disrespect — there are subtle but equally BS ways guys show that they don’t take you seriously, and you don’t have to put up with any of them.
  5. You generally get bad vibes from him. Your survival instincts have been evolved over the course of thousands of years to protect you from danger. If your gut is screaming at you to get the hell away from a guy, you need to listen to your gut. More often than not, it’s on point.
  6. He can’t make you come. In a healthy relationship, sex is never that big an issue. In an unhealthy one, there will be near-constant problems surrounding intimacy. A healthy long-term relationship isn’t going to happen if the two of you can’t keep each other happy in bed.
  7. He lied about something major right off the bat. Some lies can be overcome, but if you find out that he lied about something like having a kid or being married, chances are that he’s covering up more details. Do yourself a favor and let a liar go. You don’t need that in your life.
  8. He gets jealous when you spend time with friends and family. This is yet another sign that he’s too controlling to be good to anyone but himself. Any guy worth his salt will never try to get between you and the people you care about.
  9. He thinks he knows what’s best for you — even better than you do yourself. It may seem like he just cares about you, but the fact is that this isn’t healthy behavior. In fact, it can be a good indicator of an abuser.
  10. He’s gaslighted you. You want to be crazy in love, not driven crazy by your love.
  11. He keeps pushing your boundaries. A guy who doesn’t take no for an answer, won’t leave a topic alone, or keeps trying to argue his point is not someone who will ever respect your boundaries. Even if you try to give him a second chance, it’s one that will not be put to good use.
  12. There’s no spark. Without a spark, a romantic relationship won’t really even begin. You can’t force it to happen, either. Why would you try to force yourself to like a guy, anyway.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.