When you spend enough time with someone, you’ll likely pick up a few of their habits and mannerisms. This phenomenon is called mirroring, and it’s when you mimic someone else’s behaviors, habits, or attitudes on a subconscious level. You may not be aware of this happening in your own relationship. However, we’re here to tell you it’s more common than you think. In long-term relationships, mirroring can be an indicator of intimacy and may even speak to how you view the other person. If you’re curious about this phenomenon and how it manifests, we’ve come up with some unconventional signs you’re subconsciously mirroring your partner’s behavior.
1. You agree more often.
One unusual side-effect of mirroring is the convergence of ideas and identity. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you will likely start to lean into their preferences subconsciously. At the start, you might argue about what type of food to get for dinner. However, as you mirror each other more thoroughly, you might unintentionally start suggesting the other person’s cravings. This can happen with political ideology, values, goals, and preferences. The result is a blend of ideas meeting in the middle.
2. You coordinate your outfits.
Whether you think matching with your partner is cute or tacky, mirroring may shift your style. This can happen for several reasons. For one, seeing and admiring your partner’s style may inspire you to try new things. Alternatively, your partner’s preference may shape the way you dress. You might do this by wearing clothes they would approve of, or you might pick up some threads in their favorite color. Over time, dressing to impress your partner may cause you to form an affinity for certain clothes and colors. Honestly, it’s as good a reason as any to update your wardrobe.
3. Your routines start to sync.
Especially when living together, you may find yourself matching up with your partner’s schedule. If they are early risers, you may also find yourself waking earlier. This type of mirroring is a way for couples to get more time together, but on a subconscious level, it’s often because of respect. We are more likely to mirror behaviors that we see as beneficial or ensure our safety and comfort. If you become an early riser because of a partner, part of you subconsciously sees the value in starting your day earlier.
4. You start liking the same music.
Maybe it’s because they use your Spotify account or because they have good taste, but you’ve definitely been exposed to your partner’s music at some point. Even if you weren’t into their favorite artists initially, you might find yourself humming one of their songs or bumping their music on your drive to work. This is the effect of mirroring. We are likely to pick up interest in media that our partners like to form points of connection.
5. You reevaluate the flow of money.
Money is a huge point of contention between most couples. Money problems cause 20% to 40% of divorces, so it makes sense to get on the same page financially with your partner. Here’s the good news: this shift may happen naturally for you. Although budgeting and making decisions about money does take conscious effort, attitudes about money can shift thanks to mirroring. If your partner is naturally thrifty, you may become a bit more frugal in response.
6. Your sense of humor changes.
Are your partner’s previously annoying and unfunny jokes starting to make you laugh? It could be because of mirroring. Humor is one part temperament, two parts experience, so it’s unsurprising that experiencing similar things as your partner may cause your sense of humor to converge. You’ll both laugh at similar things, but you’ll also be more able to make each other giggle. In understanding and merging each other’s humor, there will always be laughs to be had.
7. You get involved with a new hobby.
It might have started as an attempt to spend more time together and take an interest in their hobbies but now it’s taken a serious turn. If you tagged along to his poker night or joined her in watching “The Bachelor,” there could be a chance you unironically get hooked. Having someone passionate by your side is already infectious, but our minds are likely to take it a step further. Your brain starts to enjoy the activity, not just the company.
8. You start using your partner’s slang.
If your partner uses certain phrases often, you may find yourself parroting them in conversations with your friends. You may see them as so cute and charming you pick them up for yourself, and they become your slang, too. This is undoubtedly the effect of mirroring, and it can go even further. You may end up talking faster or slower to match your partner, and you may even adjust the pitch or pattern of your speech. It can be interesting to see what terms and tones you pick up from each other; it’s almost like you have your secret shared language.
9. You walk at the same pace as them.
If you take a stroll with your partner, you may look down and realize you are walking with the same foot forward or at the same pace. Many people associate mirroring with only ideas or hobbies, but it can also affect your physicality. Mirroring is a way of subconsciously building rapport and indicating a deep connection. Metaphorically, what could be more indicative of that than walking side by side together towards the future? It shows that you are not only in the same place mentally but incredibly in sync physically.
10. You find yourself copying their posture.
Another physical habit you may find yourself copying from your partner is their posture or how they sit. Have you ever had the experience of sitting with your partner and crossing your legs shortly after they did? Or stretched because they stretched? You may not even realize you’re doing this type of physical mirroring until you look for it. This imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, as it can mean you’re trying to emulate or relate to your partner on a subconscious level.
11. You change your work habits.
It can be important to feel both parties in a relationship contribute equally. That’s why a common habit with mirroring is with your partner’s work habits. If your partner is a worker bee, you may feel encouraged to pick up a few extra shifts or vice versa. When you get two opposite extremes in a relationship, it can produce a tempering effect. Both work against each other to find a comfortable place to meet in the middle and create a more harmonious work-life balance. The workaholic may inspire the more laid-back partner to earn more, and the laid-back partner will encourage the workhorse to rest when they need it.
12. You make the same faces as them.
I’m sure you’ve been guilty of your face broadcasting how you feel even when you don’t want it to. Facial expressions are highly subconscious behaviors, so it follows that we are likely to take on others’ facial expressions when we mirror them. If your partner raises their eyebrows when they’re surprised, you may find yourself doing the same without thinking. This imitation can be a way to signal to the other person that you’re on the same wavelength.
13. You become more extroverted or introverted.
Staying with your sweetie for a while may have you taking on your partner’s social habits. Whether they are more of a homebody or a social butterfly, you may mirror their traits and act like them socially. Aside from being an opportunity to spend more time together in whatever setting is cozier for you both, you also show care and concern for their social battery. By being receptive to and mimicking your partner’s social proclivities, you show them how much you care.
14. You find your breathing synced with theirs.
When you lay down in bed at night to cuddle, do you notice your partner’s chest moving in tandem with yours? This can be an example of them mirroring you. When spending a significant amount of time together, many of our autonomous functions sync, which can mean your hearts beat at similar rates. This one we find particularly romantic, even if it is a little unusual.
15. You adopt healthier habits.
The couple who gyms together stays together, or so I’ve heard. It’s hard not to get caught up in your partner’s desire to better themselves. You may not have been enthusiastic at first, but it’s not unlikely you’ll end up taking your partner’s motivation as your own. Having a partner who eats well, works out, and avoids intoxicants can subconsciously encourage you to do the same. However, be warned, this mirror goes both ways, and you could end up negatively influencing each other as well.
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