Women are incredibly brilliant creatures. We’re powerful, passionate, and have amazing ideas, but there are too many of us who don’t own that, either because we don’t see it ourselves or because we’re afraid of coming off as bitchy or full of ourselves. Are you guilty of undermining your worth as a woman? Here are 10 signs you just might be.
You apologize for everything. From walking too slow to ordering an entree with two sides, women are always apologizing for things that we shouldn’t be sorry for because we haven’t actually done anything wrong. Still, it’s an unconscious habit that a lot of women have. Unless your actions actually hurt someone, there is no need to apologize. Otherwise, you’re just apologizing for being yourself.
You move over when a man is walking toward you on the sidewalk. A weird thing I’ve noticed a lot of women do (even myself sometimes) is that when we’re walking on the sidewalk and a man is walking directly toward us, we automatically move out of the way. Why is that? Why doesn’t the man have the reflex to move over? Well, today’s the day where people move out of your way because you’re a force to be reckoned with. Walk down that sidewalk with confidence and people will make sure to not get in your way.
You soften your actions with the word “just.” You’ve finally removed “sorry” from your everyday vocabulary, and that’s great, but there’s another word that fills that void. That word is “just.” Using phrases such as “just checking in,” and “just wondering” minimizes your authority and suggests that you’re asking for permission or seeking approval to do something. Nothing shrinks your power more than using the word “just.” Get rid of it now.
You avoid topics or areas dominated by men. Don’t be afraid to go to that sports bar with the guys or apply for that job in a male-dominated industry. You’re unique and deserve to be there, even if it’s considered a “man’s place.” Don’t let masculinity intimidate and discourage you from doing things that aren’t considered “feminine.”
You wait for a man to do all the heavy lifting. Although it’s true that men have more muscle mass than women, that’s not an excuse to wait for a man to carry things for you. Sure, it’s nice when a guy offers to help, but if you’re dependent on a guy to carry your bags for you, then you’re boxing yourself into the “damsel in distress” territory, which is the complete opposite of what we’re trying to achieve here. Instead, be the strong, independent woman you are and carry your own bags.
You silence yourself for fear of coming off naggy or bossy. Never, ever, ever censor yourself for fear of coming off as a nag. If someone doesn’t like what you’re saying, that says more about them than you. If something needs to get done, point it out. If no one’s taking initiative, take the lead. The truth is, there’ll always be someone who thinks you’re bossy or a nag, but don’t let that stop you from being a leader. People can choose to work with you or not. It’s the people who decide to stick by you that matters.
You neglect your self-care. Putting other people’s needs before your own is another way you’re undermining your worth. You’re not making yourself a priority or taking time to take care of yourself. You only get one life and one body. Make the most of it and take care of yourself. Your self-care matters.
You’re always seeking approval and validation from others. When you need validation from others, that is a clear sign that your self-esteem and self-confidence are seriously lacking. You measure your success based on people telling you that you’re doing a good job or that you’re making a right decision. Also, you let other people’s disapproval and negative reactions discourage you from doing what you want to do. Instead, make your own decisions without input from others unless you need valuable advice. If all you’re looking for is a “you’re making the right decision” or “you’re doing amazing,” then you might as well seek advice from a magic eight ball.
You slut shame other women. There are women who love sex as much as men do, if not more. Just because another woman loves to have sex or has multiple partners doesn’t mean you have the right to judge or slut shame her. It’s her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. The same goes for you. You wouldn’t want anybody judging you for what you do with your body, so don’t do it to anyone else. It just shows more of your character than hers.
You hate on girly-girls. Some women enjoy serving their families, getting all dressed up, and being a stay-at-home moms. There’s nothing wrong with that. They’re not “fulfilling the woman’s stereotype” or “setting women back by 30 years.” Family and femininity is their passion and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean they’re anti-feminist or dependent on their husbands. Again, it’s their life, not yours. Instead of belittling feminine women, embrace and encourage them because taking care of a family while maintaining your beauty isn’t an easy job.