Unpopular Opinion: Sexting Is The Worst

Unpopular Opinion: Sexting Is The Worst

When’s the last time you actually used your phone to call someone? Can’t remember? You aren’t alone. Most of us would much rather text or email than call, and that attitude has extended to the art of phone sex, now known as “sexting”. Sending provocative text messages can be fun with the right person, but it’s decidedly not fun when you’re bombarded with questions about your sex life and unsolicited penis pics. Just like IRL sex, sexting takes a certain finesse. Most girls can be persuaded into it if the circumstances are right, but that just rarely happens.

  1. It’s awkward as hell. What is the appropriate response to a guy telling you he’s “so hard right now”? Congratulations? It can be sexy when you’re in the act in person, but reading it while you’re sitting on the bus on your way home from work is decidedly NOT sexy.
  2. It’s rarely satisfying. The rare times that sexting actually turns you on are a blessing and a curse. You’re enjoying it, and that’s always good, but now you’re horny and you’re all alone, which isn’t ideal.
  3. Texting with one hand isn’t easy. If you’re actually getting into it, you’re going to have to figure out a way to keep texting and touch yourself at the same time. Dictating your texts tends to cause a lot of mood-killing autocorrects, so that’s not really an option.
  4. There’s way too much waiting around involved. After you send your response, you have to sit there waiting for them to write back. The worst is when a full two minutes go by and all they send back is, “Mmmmmmm.”
  5. You can’t gauge the other person’s reaction. If you can’t see their immediate reaction, how do you know if they aren’t completely repulsed by the fetish you just described to them in detail? It’s difficult to know if you’re truly turning someone on when you can’t see their face.
  6. Unless you’re an erotica novelist, you have no idea how to describe a blow job in a sexy way. Luckily, most guys are pretty simple in their sexting vocabulary. But that means he isn’t exactly as descriptive as you would like in his responses.
  7. He always wants more pictures. He’s never satisfied with just one. And frankly, you don’t have a stock pile of sexy pictures to send out, and you’re currently in bed with a mud mask on your face, and your hair in bun so an impromptu photo shoot isn’t really an option.
  8. You aren’t actually doing any of the things you say. He may think you’re touching yourself while imagining his huge penis, but in reality you’re watching the latest episode of Survivor and eating a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
  9. Emojis are never sexy. No matter how strategically you place the water droplets, next to the hand gestures for pointing and OK, I’m still not going to be turned on.
  10. A penis pic is rarely a turn on. If I didn’t ask for it, and I’ve never seen it in person, then I don’t want to see it. No exceptions. Why is this so hard to understand?
  11. He’s probably going to show someone. Especially if you send a picture. Your name is attached to those texts and those pictures, so if you don’t want other people reading your dirty thoughts, don’t put them in writing and send them out into the universe.
  12. Sexting someone before you even meet them is setting a precedent. You think he’s going to see you as a potential girlfriend if you exchanged graphic sexts before you ever met in person? You’re dreaming.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo