If You’re Going To Use Dating Apps, You Really Should Get Drunk First

If Dante had ever encountered dating apps, he might have added another ring to the circles of hell. From the creepy messages to the truly obnoxious bios, dating apps can feel like a minefield of bad decisions — but if you’re determined to find your special someone, they’re also one of the fastest ways to meet a big pool of guys. The best (and really the only) way to use dating apps and maintain your sanity is to throw back a couple drinks before diving in headfirst. It may sound like a recipe for poor judgement, but the logic of getting buzzed before you start swiping is foolproof. Here’s why:

  1. Everyone Has Potential. I don’t know anyone who becomes more close-minded when they consume alcohol. With a couple of choice beverages, you’re far more likely to give every person you interact with on dating apps a shot, widening your potential group of guys. Just how the guys around you in a bar slowly become more appealing the more you drink, the same is true when you’re scanning your way through a dating app.
  2. Give His Profile A Break. One of the beautiful things about your drunk-colored glasses is that they ease your restrictions on acceptable dates. People your sober self may have written off because they didn’t go to a good enough college or they seemed a little too dorky will suddenly appear to be perfectly reasonable options. When reading a profile, you’re trying to glean a lot about a person from relatively little information, and sometimes you’ll jump to incorrect conclusions. But, when you’re drinking, you won’t overanalyze every little detail he wrote down for hidden meaning  — giving him, and you, a fair chance.
  3. You Might Actually Set Up A Date. One of my personal favorite side effects of alcohol is bravery, also often referred to as brash foolishness. Either way, if you’re talking to someone you might like on a dating app while drinking, you’re way more likely to just go for it and try to set up a meeting. Otherwise, you might spend days or weeks seeing if he asks you out or pondering whether you’re really ready to start dating again. In the drunk moment, you’ll probably go for something if it seems fun or intriguing.
  4. You’ll Care Less. So, you just went through and “liked” 20 guys, but only one has “liked” you back in the last half hour. “Oh well, maybe I should like another 20,” says your intoxicated brain. Whereas your sober brain would be horrified at the seeming rejection, drunk you understands that these strangers have no effect on your life and shouldn’t be considered for more than the second it took you to click the little star on their profile.
  5. You can skip Decoding His Messages. Why did he say “lol” after “hey beautiful”? Does he think it’s funny to call me beautiful? Am I laughably unattractive? Dating app messaging can be dangerous for your mental health if you don’t take precautions. Precautions like throwing back a cocktail or two before use. Once your mind is a little more at ease, it will be happier to dismiss rude messages that might normally bother your and respond to messages that have even a glimmer of potential in them.
  6. You’ll be cutthroat When It Comes To What You Want. You may see a lot more guys as possibilities when you drink, but you will also lose a lot of your polite filter as well. You won’t need to spend precious minutes deciding if someone is cute enough or if he’s probably a serial killer — you’ll make these decisions instantly and swipe with your gut. Your gut will guide you to what you really want, making you more honest and efficient.
  7. You’ll Message More Guys. The mating rituals on dating apps can be very convoluted. If you view him and he views you but doesn’t message you, what’s the appropriate response? You could spend months doing this awkward tango with any number of guys and never see actual results. You want to express that you’re interested? Send him a message! It’s risky to make the first move, I know, but it’s also much more likely to result in something actually happening. And, when you’re happily tipsy, the risk won’t seem like such a big deal.
  8. You’ll Call Out the Losers. While you might not respond to someone rude or offensive normally, drunk o’clock is the perfect time to tell losers that they’re acting like douchebags. Really, more of us should do this regularly. That way the douche hats of the world know that it’s not okay to harass women on dating sites or in real life. And, if they *amazingly* decide to continue with their douchebaggery, your drunk self won’t care.
  9. You can finally cut Yourself Some Slack. Dating apps can be pretty demoralizing. While sifting through the often sad options, you may find yourself thinking, “Am I really this desperate to find someone?” When you’re drunk, you’re going to cut yourself a lot more slack because you’re going to be a lot more honest with yourself. Yes, you would really love to meet someone great, possibly even tonight, so putting in the time to look through some pictures isn’t desperate, it’s temporarily necessary.
  10. You’ll come up with more Creative Date Ideas. Why not meet up right now? In the park, where there’s a massive art fair going on? Or, since you both have always wanted to go, why not finally go skydiving? Your two-drinks-in train of thought has a short attention span and is up for anything, so any dates you set up will either be a really bad idea or a really great time. Fingers crossed!
  11. You Might Actually Have Fun. Shockingly, when you take away the giant cloud of “YOU MUST FIND YOUR SOULMATE ON THIS APP” pressure, you may actually have fun using it. If you don’t think that each interaction could be the difference between a happy, married life and dying alone with cats, you’re able to put yourself out there more freely and be okay when things don’t work out. And, getting to know so many different people may actually be enjoyable, instead seeming like a chore. Fair warning, this one might take more than a couple drinks to achieve.
Maddy Aaron lives, writes, and eats a significant number of tacos in NYC. Seamus Finnigan once wrote her a personalized letter that included the words "MAN U. Rule!" When she's not doing the stuff on the InterWebs, Maddy spends way too much time at the movies, discusses the falling hot dog quality in the neighborhood with her roommate, and intimidates men with her Gilmore Girls and Harry Potter trivia knowledge.