I Use Guys For Sex & I’m Not Ashamed Of It

I know it might seem a little “mean” to go out with a guy intending to only use him for sex, but that’s exactly what I do and frankly, I have absolutely no shame about it. Here’s why:

  1. It makes me feel empowered and in control. I’m tired of always being at the mercy of the guy I’m sleeping with. After I hook up with someone, my mind starts going a mile a minute and I get all freaked out over what it all means. Does he like me? Is he going to call me again? Does he even care that I exist? It makes me feel like an idiot and I hate it. This is why I’ve turned the tables. I’m the one in control of the situation and now he’s the one who has to think about it. That feels so good.
  2. I get used for sex all the time. I’ve been used and abused for the last time. After all of those years of being demoted to “side piece,” it’s time I get some “side pieces” of my own. I didn’t know any better in my early twenties but now that I’m older, I think I’ve earned the right to not call a guy back after sleeping with him or maybe even send him a booty-call text at 3 a.m. Yes, I have no shame.
  3. If guys can do it, women can too. It’s not fair that guys seem to be allowed to use girls for sex, but I, as a woman, can’t do the same thing without being called a “whore.” It’s a huge stereotype that women only want to lock down a man and will get clingy the second you have sex with us. We’re just as able to separate our feelings from sex as men are.
  4. They don’t seem to mind. Since guys seem to already be wired for this sort of “hit it and run” kinda set-up, they usually take it really well when I tell them that I don’t want to go any further with them. I’m not saying that all guys are like this, but for the most part, they get pretty excited when I tell them I only want sex. They usually take a big sigh of relief when they find out I don’t want to steal their freedom away from them.
  5. I don’t necessarily want to date every guy I sleep with. I use guys for their bodies just like guys will use me. In fact, I’ll even go as far to say that if I AM using you, it’s because I could never stand your personality long enough to get through an entire date. This is why I’m doing just the sex thing. Some guys are good for sex, some for long-term dating and some for sex and dating at the same time. I’m not going to let a perfectly good hookup buddy walk out of my life just because we had a bad date. I’m smarter than that.
  6. I avoid all the drama that comes with sex. By using guys exclusively for sex, there’s never those annoying questions hanging in the air like, “What are we doing here?”, “Are we dating?”, “Is he dating anyone else?” The vibe is just pure fun because we both know we’re only in it for the short term. Sex becomes what it’s meant to be. Simple, NSA and drama-free.
  7. Sometimes I just want to get off. Is it so wrong to want sex just for the sake of sex? If I find a guy who’s down to bang, I’m going to take full advantage of that. Sometimes I don’t have a “nice guy” in my life who I actually want to date and spend time with, and that doesn’t mean that I should also stop having sex. There are plenty of guys out there who are okay with being used and I shouldn’t be afraid of going after what I want.
  8. I need my own space. There are certain times in my life when I just want to be on my own, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still have some sexy fun. When I explain to the guy I’m seeing that I want to keep it purely sexual, he generally always understands. I don’t always need to have my own space, but when I’m stressed or unsure about my life circumstances, straight sex is all I can really handle.
  9. I want to focus on my career. Instead of getting wrapped up in failed romance after failed romance, I stop the buck at sex so I have more time to do all the things that I should be doing in my mid-twenties. It’s nice when a relationship actually works out, but I have plenty of time for that later. Using guys for sex is really convenient for me right now and I’m not going to stop it anytime soon.
  10. Guys can get hurt later on if I don’t draw the line. If I know from the get-go that the guy I’m sleeping with is only going to be purely that, I need to tell him right away that I only want sex, otherwise, he might start falling in love with me and I don’t want to break this poor guy’s heart. It might seem really direct to just come out and say “I don’t want to date you, but I still want to hook up”, but I’m only saving him from heartache later on.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.