Use Him, Abuse Him, Lose Him (In 9 Easy Steps!)

Donna Meagle, one of the most beloved Parks and Recreation characters, has given us some great advice over the years, but nothing quite beats the Meagle motto: “Use him, abuse him, lose him.” Why? Personally, I think that it has just the amount of sass, girl power, and attitude that I like in my mottos. But what does it really mean? My interpretation is that it’s about taking control of your sex life. It’s about getting exactly what you want in the sack, with no messy feelings or strings attached – and no consequences.

Sounds like a dream. So how’s a girl to go about putting it into action?

  1. No feelings. There’s a myth that women can’t have sex without becoming emotionally attached, which we all know is a load of BS. Women have primal sexual urges, just like men do, and emotions don’t necessarily have to play a part in that.
  2. Ask for exactly what you want. Don’t be shy. If you’ve got an itch to scratch, tell him exactly what you need. And if you do feel hesitant, remember that you’re not planning to marry the guy, anyway.
  3. If he won’t give you what you want, leave and find someone who will. No means no. End of story. So if they won’t (or can’t) give you what you want, then see ya! There are always more fish in the sea, so it’s time to go fishing! Find someone that can satisfy you by being transparent about what you’re looking for.
  4. And then use him until you’re satisfied. This part is important. You’re having sex until you’re satisfied, not him. This isn’t about  a healthy sexual relationship between two people over a long period of time. It’s about you getting your kicks. If you’re feeling guilty, then remember that men have a tendency to do this to women all the time, so don’t worry about it. He has hands. He can finish himself off later.
  5. Use him just a little bit more. Mmm… Maybe you weren’t so satisfied.
  6. Then give him the wrong number. He wants to keep in contact? Fine. No need to make a scene or be awkward. Have an easy escape planned by confidently giving him your number – altering one or two of the digits, of course.
  7. Don’t give any of your details out. Even your first name is being generous… but if you must, you must. Keep it minimal, however.
  8. Use protection and be safe. You’re in control, but to do so you need to be safe. This means telling someone where you are, making sure that you use protection and keeping your wits about you if your partner isn’t a familiar face.
  9. Have fun. Above all, have fun!
Sarah is a full-time content marketer, part-time freelancer. She’s a serial hobbyist (which just means that she does a lot of random things, but none of them particularly well). Her real talent lies in her ability to consume copious amounts of wine, whilst discussing feminism and reading A Song of Ice and Fire for the 8th time... All while saving puppies from burning houses, of course. You can see more of her work here, or pop over to Twitter and say “‘ello ‘ello” @daughterdipstik