I Used Intimacy To Boost My Self-Esteem & It Worked

Many people would say that using intimacy to boost your self-esteem is a bad idea, but I disagree. I’ve never hated myself or my body, but I definitely wasn’t 100% happy with it and wanted to love myself more, flaws and all. Funny enough, through getting down lots with my partner, I ended up feeling so much better about myself. It was an unexpected but welcome bonus to the mind-blowing experiences I was having all the time.

  1. I felt wanted. It was never my intention to use it to boost my self-esteem; it just happened, mainly because of how special my partner made me feel. When we got down, it was like nothing else mattered. He wanted me for me, and I definitely felt the same. I felt loved, desired, cherished, and craved — in short, I felt WANTED. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that getting down makes you feel good about yourself — it should!
  2. Intimacy is a good workout. I’m not going to lie and tell you I lost 20 lbs by having a ton of it. I lost weight, but that could’ve been due to the fact that I wasn’t eating as much pasta. Having said that, my mood greatly increased. I felt better about my body, my skin was glowing, and I was just generally so much happier. It is a workout and working out can make you an all around better person.
  3. My partner respected me. Intimacy helped boost my self-esteem because I wasn’t randomly sleeping with strangers. Nothing against those who do, as long as the person you’re doing respects you,  but it’s just not my thing. My boyfriend respected me, and because of that, I felt safe. I wasn’t hiding half my body under the covers or turning the lights off the second things started to get hot and heavy. I felt completely comfortable in bed, and that feeling translated to other areas of my life. My uptight nature became more relaxed, and I have intimacy to thank for that.
  4. Every day was different. You know when it’s almost Christmas and you get excited thinking about what presents you’ll get? That’s what having it every day is like. You know it’s coming, but you’re not sure when or what type of gift wrapping it’ll have. Every day was something new and exciting. We could get down in the morning, afternoon, night (or all three). The positions would vary and we never got bored of each other in bed. It was something to look forward to every day, and that made me a much more positive person.
  5. It turns out, I’m good at it. Don’t take this the wrong way, but pleasing a guy can totally make you feel better about yourself. Making a guy come can be equivalent to finishing a test before the rest of the class, am I right? Instant satisfaction, because not only did you complete your task, you did it in record time! Knowing I was good at it made me feel amazing about myself. I’m not saying I’m a master, but I know what I’m doing.
  6. I was more confident in the relationship as a whole. Getting down with my boyfriend made me more confident in our relationship, which in turn made me feel better about myself. Don’t take that to mean I value it more than an emotional connection. I don’t, but actions speak louder than words. Sometimes you can understand someone more when you just shut up and get down to business. It shows what words can’t. My relationship grew because of how in tune we were in and out of the bedroom.
  7. I realized that I can do anything. Am I the only one who feels powerful as hell afterwards? I mean, don’t you just feel like you can conquer the world after reaching that peak? It helps me sleep better, feel better, and it gives me a ton of energy. I don’t think I’m being dramatic when I say that not having it will never be an option for me. It relieves my stress and that makes me feel like I can do anything!
  8. It lowered my stress levels. The best part about having it? Not having to worry about anything! You get to escape from the real world for a few minutes and enjoy absolute bliss. Your thoughts and insecurities go right out the window! Your mind is too busy enjoying what’s happening to realize you haven’t shaved your bikini line in a couple of days. No one cares about anything when the actual act is going down. Having a way to escape the worries of real life (if only for a short time), made me feel completely weightless and stress-free, no longer caged by adulthood.
  9. My boyfriend thinks my body is bangin’. I’m insecure about my body, but who isn’t? There are things I LOVE, but there are also things I hate — like my butt, thighs, and lack of hips. Getting down made me forgot about those insecurities altogether. How could they not? Yes, my boyfriend loved me, but he also loved my body. When I was naked, he looked at me the way Christian Grey looked at Anastasia throughout that entire “Fifty Shades” movie. I felt better about myself because of how hot my boyfriend made me feel — there’s nothing wrong with that!
  10. It’s not about the physical. Of course it’s about the physical, but it’s also about the emotional side. It can connect you to the other person. You’re meant to feel something incredibly powerful — and I’m not just talking about an orgasm. There’s nothing wrong with casual encounters, but even casual encounters can have its strings. Those strings can be cut a little quicker, but they’re still there. The reason it helped boost my self-esteem was because I didn’t feel so alone. I was attached (not in an unhealthy way) to my boyfriend, and intimacy helped do that!
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.