When my boyfriend and I started dating, a lot of people were happy for me but there were some that seemed kinda shocked. My boyfriend is hot as hell and has dated really beautiful women before me, and it felt like some of the haters felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. The insecurity got into my head and it took me a while to move past it—here’s how I did it.
I stopped stalking his exes online. I wish I hadn’t let my curiosity get the better of me because my self-esteem plummeted as soon as I located their social media accounts. The exes I found are tall, leggy, and drop-dead gorgeous. I’m shorter, a bit stockier and nowhere near model material. Seeing what they looked like made me feel like I was the ugly duckling in my relationship—or worse, an exception to his rule of dating model thin perfect women. It made me feel like we just didn’t mesh well. After weeks of feeling down about it, I finally decided that enough is enough. I was giving these women—who I didn’t even know, by the way—waaaay too much power. I deactivated my social media for like two weeks to cleanse the habit out of my system and it actually worked.
I learned how to take a compliment. For the longest time, I didn’t believe that my boyfriend was actually attracted to me. A combo of stalking his exes and overanalyzing everyone’s shady comments about him being with me will do that to you. When he’d compliment me on something, I’d roll my eyes or tell him that I wasn’t whatever he was saying—pretty, smart, funny, whatever. After a while, though, I could tell that it was kind of irritating to him that I was being so insecure. More than that, my rejections of his compliments were mini rejections of him too. Eventually, I just needed to nip it in the bud and say thanks when my boyfriend said something nice about me to me. He wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it.
I reminded myself that he wouldn’t be with me if he wasn’t attracted to me. What I failed to realize early on is that my boyfriend wouldn’t have been dating me if he wasn’t attracted to me. I mean, who spends time in a committed romantic relationship with someone that they aren’t physically attracted to? Exactly—no one. Reminding myself of this helped me stop giving so much weight to what other people thought and allowed me to focus on my relationship.
I realized it doesn’t matter if other people are attracted to me. On that same note, who gives a crap if other people think that I’m not hot enough for my boyfriend? They aren’t the ones who have to look at me and spend time with me, he is. I eventually just said screw ’em and learned to bask in my relationship with my hunky boyfriend. I am hot enough for him. I’m what he was looking for and that’s all that matters.
I applied the confidence I had in other parts of my life to this situation. I’ve never been the girl who was particularly insecure about her looks, but for whatever reason, being compared to my boyfriend’s previous girlfriends wrecked my self-esteem. So I had to dig deep and take a little bit of confidence that I had in every other area of my life and use it here. It worked!
I stopped looking for other people’s approval. I had to remember that it doesn’t matter whether other people think that I’m physically compatible with my boyfriend. As much as I hate to admit it, I do care what people think about me and I wanted people to think that I deserved to be on the arm of such a hot dude. But what they were saying was just gossip. It didn’t mean anything and their approval wasn’t going to make or break my relationship. I had to let go of that drama.
I stopped thinking he was going to leave me for someone prettier and focused on his actions. Deep down, my insecurity stemmed from the notion that my boyfriend would up and leave me for someone hotter. I didn’t want to be the filler girl before he found a more beautiful match. Internet stalking his exes will do that to ya! I decided to focus my attention on his current actions and what he was doing to show me that he chose me for a reason.
I started taking more photos of us together and posting them—sue me. I needed a confidence boost, so I went on a picture taking spree with my boyfriend and started posting us on social media a lot. Haters commented about how gross it was to get a barrage of photos of us on their timelines and I totally get it. I feel grossed out by people who excessively post about their relationships on social media too, but I firmly believe certain exceptions will necessitate excessive posting. My self-esteem and confidence qualify as two. Plus, it wasn’t for anyone else really, it was for me. The more I posted photos of us together, the more confidence I felt.
I worked on feeling hotter on my own. Sulking wasn’t going to help me. If I wanted to feel sexier and hotter, I needed to embody that attitude. I worked on feeling that way for me, not for him or for anyone else. I put on lipstick and did my hair and made myself feel good. My boyfriend didn’t really notice because he says he thinks I’m beautiful no matter what I’m wearing, but ultimately, I have to feel good about me. Once I put the focus on myself, all the other noise faded away.
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