Why Using Intimacy As A Weapon Always Backfires

Women are notorious for withholding intimacy to get back at their guy. They use it as a punishment if he didn’t take out the trash or as a bribe to make him buy that expensive necklace they want. I’m hear to tell you that using it as a weapon always backfires. It might seem like it works at first, but it’ll just make things worse in the end.

The only reason you shouldn’t sleep with a guy is if you’re not in the mood. And yes, it’s fine to say no if you’re angry. Just don’t tell him you’re taking it away because you feel like being mean. It is supposed to be fun, not a weapon to use whenever you want power over your guy.

  1. Creates more fights. Think he’ll back down and agree with you if you take it away? Think again. All this is going to do is lead to more fights. It shows him how immature you are. The next thing you know, you’re going to be fighting about any and everything and then no one is getting laid.
  2. Drives him away. Want a sure fire way to drive your guy away? Withhold it for no good reason. He expects you to not be in the mood during a fight or when you’re pissed. What he doesn’t expect is you telling him he’s not getting any until he does whatever it is you want him to do. He doesn’t have to put up with it and he’ll gradually leave if you keep it up.
  3. He doesn’t learn anything. You might think it’s working. He’s not an idiot. He knows what to say and do to get back in your good graces. You haven’t taught him a damn thing. He’s playing your little game and you’re falling for it. All you’ve done is prove he’s smarter than you.
  4. His lying skills improve. Of course he’s sorry. No, he’s not. But he sounds believable. He gets to improve his lying skills as he learns exactly what to say and how to say it to get back in your pants. You think he’s sincere, but he’s laughing at you on the inside.
  5. He realizes he doesn’t need it. Guess what? You’re not nearly as good in bed as you think you are. He’s had a great relationship with his right hand for years. He doesn’t need you. You want to hold out. Fine. He’ll just have some nice alone time in the bathroom or even worse, with your best friend or sister.
  6. He withholds from you. Some guys realize two can play at this game. They’re not as weak as you might think. They can hold out. The problem is, can you wait too? Trying to out stubborn each other never works out well. No one’s happy. Of course, if he withholds it from you and you give in, you’ve lost all that imaginary power you thought you  had.
  7. Takes the fun out of it. When it becomes some type of punishment or reward only, it’s not fun anymore. It is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you. Using it as a weapon just ruins it. The more often this happens, the less enthusiastic he’ll be and you’ll find the passion fades away.
  8. He’d rather fight it out anyway. You might think this is great way to win a fight. Many guys would rather just fight it out than give in to your childish behavior. Besides, he’s pissed too. He’s not in the mood. He doesn’t care whether you’re holding out or not. He just wants to get the underlying issues resolved.
  9. You’re just punishing yourself anyway. While you’re being smug, thinking he’s suffering, what about your needs? If you actually enjoy intimacy with your guy, you’re punishing yourself. If he knows you love how he touches you, he’ll know you’re suffering just as much, if not more, than him.
  10. Makes you seem like a prostitute. Think about it. You’re promising to only give him it if he does something for you. Sounds a lot like what a lady of the night does. Is that how you really see yourself? Is that how you want him to see you?
  11. He’ll pick fights just for the makeup sessions. So you think you’re teaching him a lesson by withholding it every time you have a fight. He lies and tells you what you want to hear. You reward him with makeup sessions. He has learned something. He’s learned all he has to do is pick a fight and wait for you to say he’s not getting laid until he apologizes. He gives you a false apology and still gets it.
  12. It looks like you don’t care about him. It is important to a guy. It’s one of his most vulnerable times. Taking it away to get what you want shows all you care about is yourself. He’ll understand if you’re honestly not in the mood or you want to talk things out from your latest fight first. Otherwise, it just seems like you don’t care about him at all.
  13. He stops caring about your needs. Since you don’t care about him, why should he care about your needs? You’re just using it as a weapon to manipulate him. He’s not stupid. He does realize this. He also realizes that your needs aren’t that important anymore if you can’t treat him any better than that.
  14. Gives him a reason to cheat. While you’re trying to train him with it, he’s busy finding someone better. Guys get annoyed when you try to manipulate them by withholding it. They’d like to think they’re with a more mature woman. If they can’t find that with you, they’ll eventually either leave or cheat.

Think twice before you take intimacy away. Are you really ready for the consequences?

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.