I have heard the argument from both sides: why reverse psychology is a good idea for your relationship, and why it’s a terrible one. While you can make good points for either side, the truth is that I tried it on my boyfriend and it ruined my relationship.
- Reverse psychology can work occasionally… but it can also backfire pretty spectacularly. There’s a reason that experts say reverse psychology works well with children. Adults can usually pick up on it, especially if it continues to happen over time. It can work sometimes, but you’re taking a risk by relying on this tactic. It can make the opposite happen of what you actually want, and leave you in a worse situation.
- Being direct and honest is a lot easier. There’s also a lot less room for error when you don’t use reverse psychology. I really don’t think acting differently than how you actually feel really ever ends well longterm, because it creates lies, games and trickery, which is unhealthy. If you tell your boyfriend how you feel, you’re giving him the option to choose your relationship and your emotional wellbeing over whatever it is that you’re trying to change, but if you use reverse psychology, you’re hoping he will understand what you want and probably still going to get mad if he doesn’t follow through.
- Guys are generally not great at reading subtle (and even not-so-subtle clues). Even the most clever, well-thought-out plans to use reverse psychology are useless if the guy doesn’t pick up on it or follow it the way you want him too. It can work on some guys, in some situations, but I would still say that telling your boyfriend how you feel about something or what you would like him to do rather than using reverse psychology in order for him to figure out how you feel or what you want is the better (and more successful) option.
- Playing games in relationships is silly. We’re not kids anymore and we should have already stopped acting like it. I think any kind of games in a relationship is unnecessary and childish, even reverse psychology. Anything that involves pretending to act or feel a certain way to get someone to understand how you really feel is a recipe for disaster, as far as I’m concerned.
- He might not do what you wanted him to do simply because he’s confused about what it is you want. This especially can happen if you express your opinion about something and then seemingly do a 180 and change your attitude or your views about it in order to try and use reverse psychology. Your boyfriend may be trying to make you happy and do what you want him to do—he honestly may just not know what it is that you want. Often times, when you do come right out and tell your boyfriend what bothers you or what you expect from him, he never even knew that’s the way you were feeling. A lot of times, guys seem like they’re being insensitive when in reality women just need to speak up more when they aren’t happy about something.
- It’s a form of manipulation and can create a toxic relationship. While reverse psychology isn’t always inherently abusive, it is still a form of manipulation, and doing something specifically to get your way. This can create toxicity in an otherwise unhealthy relationship, which is why I recommend staying away from reverse psychology.
- It may work for a little while, but if you keep up with it, he’ll eventually catch on. If reverse psychology works the first time, it’s likely you’ll keep using it in your relationship, but the more times you try it, the more likely it is your BF will pick up on it and possibly get angry that you tried to trick him into doing something. Wouldn’t you feel hurt and let down if your boyfriend thought he couldn’t be straight up about something with you? Personally, I would rather my boyfriend let me know when something bothers him.
- A relationship should be based on honesty and trust. You should feel comfortable with talking to your boyfriend if you have an issue, and telling him what upsets or bothers you. If you feel like you have to use reverse psychology, there may be some deeper issues in your relationship. Choosing to try it on your BF is kind of like inviting bad energy into the relationship, even if it’s coming from a good place or unintentional.
- It takes a lot of energy and is time-consuming to keep up with. You have to remember what you said and when and pay attention to the way your BF reacts to it. It seems like a lot of effort and time you could be using on something else, and it may not even get you the result you’re looking for. Acting a certain way when you really feel the opposite isn’t fair to you or to your boyfriend.
