I Vow To No Longer Waste Time Dating Guys Who Don’t Know What They Want

Gone are the days that I’ll wait around for a guy to be ready for a relationship or to figure out what he wants—I just skip right over him because I’ve learned that it only ends in disappointment on my end. I’m through with wasting my time with guys who don’t have it together relationship-wise—here’s why:

  1. I don’t buy it when a guy says he “doesn’t know what he wants.” The only reason a guy would say this is if he doesn’t want a relationship but is just too chicken to be honest about it. The whole dilemma is that pretty much all guys want sex but only a small fraction want an actual relationship. That’s why I don’t even mess around with guys who don’t know what they wants because odds are, what they really want is someone to sleep with.
  2. It just means he lacks confidence. Any guy who says that he’s not sure what he wants will have low self-esteem. He doesn’t want to be so bold to say he’s not ready for a relationship and isn’t brave enough to come out and say he wants a steady girlfriend. He doesn’t believe he deserves either of those things so it’s safer to just keep it all up in the air—that way he won’t be disappointed if he gets rejected.
  3. I’m pretty sure these guys definitely DON’T want a relationship. Honestly, if a guy says to me, “Let’s just play this by ear,” that’s a hard no to any sort of relationship in the future. Even if he does change his mind, it’s not going to feel right. It’s super important that the guy I’m dating is on the same page as me, otherwise, why even bother?
  4. There’s nothing attractive about a guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing. When a guy isn’t sure, I have one of two thoughts: either he’s weak-minded or he’s manipulating me. I’ll never understand where he’s coming from. Even when you’re at the ice cream parlor, you spend some time deciding what you want but then eventually come to a conclusion. I’m well aware that these types of guys are quite happy living in this purgatory of not knowing and won’t be giving me an answer anytime soon. Might as well just move on.
  5. I don’t want to have to convince someone to be in a relationship with me. If I hold onto the guy who’s not sure what he wants, the relationship is going to start feeling one-sided—as in, I’m going to be dragging him around trying to show him how great relationships can be while he’s mentally checked out. That’s not my idea of a happy relationship.
  6. I’d rather him just admit he wants sex. This is the best possible scenario because that way, there’s no doubt about his mindset he’s in and I don’t have to waste time convincing him to be my boyfriend. We can have some good ol’ casual sex and then I can move on to someone who actually wants what I want.
  7. Why date someone when you don’t even know why you’re doing it? I think it’s pretty ridiculous to date someone with no intention of pursuing a relationship. Sure, sometimes things don’t work out between people, but no one should be going into the dating game not knowing what they want one way or another. That’s just a recipe for broken hearts.
  8. It’ll only be a matter of time before he feels “trapped.” If I stick with this guy, he’ll start to resent me. I know this because I’ve lived it. My ex told me he wasn’t sure what he was looking for and I thought, “Let me show you what you’ve been looking for!” It didn’t change anything and he ended up leaving me because he wasn’t ready. What bugs me most about this is that he never should have dated me at all if he didn’t know what he wanted in the end. It makes no sense to me.
  9. I want him to be with me because he sincerely wants to, not because he “changed his mind.” The best relationships are balanced and one person wants it to work just as much as the other. There’s no way I could be with a guy who isn’t already relationship-ready because he’ll be less likely to try to make the relationship work, leaving me to hold the pieces together all by myself.
  10. If he doesn’t know what he wants then he clearly isn’t in the right place to date. Some people are going through difficult times or have just gone through a breakup and aren’t in the right place to date, which is completely understandable. What ISN’T acceptable is him knowing full well that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and then getting involved with someone who does. If all he wants is sex, he should go to a bar or use a hook up app; if he wants to date, he should DATE! It’s all about being direct.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.