What To Do When You Find Yourself Waiting For A Guy Who Doesn’t Know What He Wants

Accepting reality can be so hard when you really care for a guy but your relationship seems to be going nowhere. He may have told you that he just needed time to figure things out, or maybe he keeps changing his mind about what he wants. Whatever the reason, if you’re sitting around waiting for him, you’re just wasting your time. Here’s how to handle a guy who just can’t make up his mind.

  1. Be honest with him. As difficult as it might be, you have to be able to confront him with your feelings. You might have been okay with waiting for him to figure his feelings out for a little while, but when it’s been too long and you’re done waiting, tell him that. The fact of the matter is that if you don’t want to wait anymore, you shouldn’t have to. Just like he has the right to take his time, you have the right to walk away. If you’re worth it to him, he’ll give you the answer you need before you go.
  2. Remember your worth. It’s hard to stand in your power when you feel so consumed by your love for someone. You might find yourself making allowances for them left and right because you care so deeply for them and are desperate for things to work out. If someone is leaving you hanging and diregarding your feelings, they’re not worth your time and energy. There’s someone out there that will always think of you and want you to be happy. They won’t leave you feeling confused or stuck.
  3. Make sure that you know what you want. In this neverending waiting game of wondering how he feels and if he’s ever going to be ready for you, you might lose sight of what you want and need from the relationship. Don’t suppress your own desires just because it’s more convenient for him. Waiting gives you a lot of time and space to determine if you actually want to be with this person. Think about what you’re getting from the relationship and what the future would hold for the two of you if you do end up getting together. If you find it hard to find positive, concrete qualities, this might not be the right situation for you.
  4. Keep your options open. A lot of guys out there will have no problem making you wait for them while still maintaining some sort of claim over you. Giving you the hope of a possible relationship and dangling it over you like bait ensures that they can take their sweet time figuring themselves out and you won’t go out and meet anyone else. This is so unfair to you. If he’s going to take their time deciding what they want, you have every right to talk to other people, go on dates, do whatever you want. You never know, you might find out that you want something completely different while they’re trying to decide what they want.
  5. Focus on yourself. If you don’t want date while you’re in this strange in-between place with him, that’s okay, but don’t forget to tend to yourself. Focus on your own personal goals and the things that you want and work on yourself. Remember that you’re a queen and you deserve to be treated like one. Do things that make you feel good and remind you of how amazing you are. Your confidence and self-worth are qualities that you should never let slip away from you.
  6. Get advice from the people you trust. No one can make your decisions for you but it really does help if you seek advice and guidance from the people in your life that you love and trust. They may have been in a similar dilemma and have sage words of wisdom for you. Even if they haven’t been in that type of situation before, they still know you and care about you and can help you process your feelings through this difficult time.
  7. Set boundaries and stick with them. If you’re going to let this guy take his time and decide when he’s going to take things to the next level with you, you need to set boundaries so that you don’t end up compromising yourself. If he wants to wait before he makes things official or gets serious with you, let him know that he can’t have it both ways. If you’re not comfortable with engaging in sexual activity with him or doing anything that romantic couples do, let him know and stick to those standards. Don’t let him play you like that by getting everything he wants while still avoiding any commitment to you.
  8. Make him wait too. Two can play this game and if he wants to make you wait for actual answers or information on what the future holds for your relationship, give him a taste of his own medicine! Sure, he might know how you feel about him already but there’s no harm in playing a little hard-to-get. If he texts you or calls you, make him wait a bit before you respond. Don’t be available at his beck and call. Make plans with your friends and never apologize when you’re too booked up for him. Let him sweat it out a bit and remind him that you’re a hot commodity and even if he decides he doesn’t want to be with you, your life will continue and still be amazing.
  9. Cut him loose. At the end of the day, you can’t wait forever. You’re an amazing woman and any guy would be so lucky to have you in his life. If this guy needs tons of times to try and work out his feelings for you and still isn’t sure if he wants you, screw him! There is someone out there who will value you and treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated. Some guys won’t ever just close that door because they know they’ll end up regretting it in the long run, but if he doesn’t have the guts to walk through it and take a chance with you, you might just need to close the door on him and walk away.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.