You’ve heard plenty of times that you have to be happy on your own before you can be in a happy, healthy relationship. It’s not really groundbreaking information that two miserable people will end up making a miserable couple. Still, it can be difficult to accept that finding love isn’t going to miraculously make you happy, because sometimes it seems like the final frontier — the last box to check off in the to-do list of life. The truth is, you don’t need love in order to be happy, and waiting around for it is only going to disappoint you.
You could be waiting a long time. It’s not like you’re guaranteed to find happiness by the time you turn 30, so expecting your life to go a certain way and follow a pre-set schedule is going to make you feel even worse when you inevitably don’t have everything you expected to have. There’s only so much you can plan in life, which means happiness is never guaranteed.
That’s a lot of pressure to put on falling in love. If you’re constantly on the prowl for an epic otherworldly love, you’re going to have a hard time accepting that relationships are flawed. They aren’t guaranteed to work and love doesn’t conquer all. Putting love on a pedestal means the real thing will never have a hope of meeting your expectations, and it certainly won’t make you happy.
That’s a lot of pressure to put on another person. Of course you should expect the person you end up with to treat you with respect, care about what you want, and have similar goals as you. That’s normal. But to expect someone else to fix everything that’s wrong in your life is going too far. No one can do that but you.
You’re in control of your own destiny. Sometimes it seems like life is happening to you — like you have no control over anything and you never will — but there are plenty of things you are in control of and you can change if you want. It’s just up to you to take the leap when the opportunity presents itself.
Plenty of people are happily single. Do you see your happily single friends sulking at home every Saturday night? No, because they’ve figured out that they’re perfectly capable of living an amazing life all on their own. If they can do it, so can you.
Your wants and needs aren’t always going to stay the same. Maybe a significant other has the power to make you happy for a little while, but that’s not guaranteed to always be the case. People change and trying to force your relationship to fit when it just doesn’t is going to make you the opposite of happy. That’s why you have to be comfortable letting a relationship that no longer works go, because sometimes it really is for the best.
Guys are focused on their own happiness. Most guys are out there living their lives, looking for a woman who is doing the same. They aren’t searching for someone that needs them in order to be happy. Being dependent in that way isn’t going to attract men, it’s going to scare them away.
Everyone needs different things to be happy. A guy might come along and do everything he thinks you should want, but you still won’t necessarily be satisfied. You can’t expect someone else to know what makes you happy, because it probably isn’t exactly the same as what they want.
You have to take responsibility for your own life. Blaming the world for your own unhappiness isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’ll turn into a bitter Betty that thinks everyone is plotting against her, when in reality no one cares that much. If you can’t make yourself happy, what makes you think anyone else will be able to?
Happy attracts happy. When you’re happy on your own, you’ll be a lot more likely to attract positive people. You don’t want to end up with someone who needs you to fix them do you? Exactly. Neither does anyone else. No one can make you happy but you — the right guy will just add to yours.
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