If You Wanna Be My Lover, You Gotta At Least Text Me Sometimes, Damn

I like you a lot and we always have the best conversations… when they happen. You claim you’re just “super busy” and “bad at texting” but that you’re really into me. I get that you want to have sex with me, but the likelihood of me (or any woman) hopping into bed with you when you can’t manage to type a few words on the phone you’re glued to 24/7 is pretty slim, I gotta say. Text me, damnit!

1. How can we build a relationship if we never talk? I’m not trying to have deep and meaningful conversations via text, but even a good morning text, a quick “what’s up?”, or a damn meme or something would at least go some way towards establishing some kind of connection between us. Ya gotta give me something here, dude.
2. Texting takes five seconds and literally zero effort. How long would it actually take to send me a text? I’m on WhatsApp with my best friends like 20 times a day and even though I’m busy, I can’t lie and say it takes tons of time to tap out a quick message. I don’t even have to think much about what I’m saying — sometimes I just reply with 20 of the laughing emojis and that’s enough. It’s not very hard.
3. It’s rude to leave someone on read. I don’t expect a response in five minutes or anything — I get that people have lives and it would be a little weird if you were just right there every single time I messaged you. However, leaving me on read for days on end when I know right well you’re on your phone (we do follow each other on Insta, remember) is rude as hell. You could even text me to say things are hectic at the moment and you’ll hit me up once you have a few spare minutes and that would be cool.
4. I’m going to assume you’re not interested. I know a lot of people would be like, “Well if he’s not texting you, he’s not into you,” and while I would generally agree with that, the fact that I know I’ll eventually hear from you and you’ll act like nothing ever happened is the frustrating and confusing part. However, the longer I go without getting so much as a quick text from you makes me think you obviously aren’t that interested. If that’s not the case and you actually do really like me, you’ll need to make that a bit clearer.
5. If you just hate texting, just message me to make plans. I know a lot of guys really hate texting and that’s fair enough. I don’t love it — it’s more of a means to an end. If you just don’t want to get pulled into a text conversation and would rather see me in person, good. I’d rather hang out in person too! Just message me to ask me to get together and we can avoid the problem altogether.

Is it really that hard to text me?

1. I have better things to do than wait around for you to get in touch. Despite what you may think, I actually do have a full and busy life. I’m definitely not about sitting by the phone waiting for a guy to text me and show any kind of interest. You claim you like me and you certainly seem like it when you’re trying to get me into bed, but the rest of the time, you act like you could either take or leave it. Not cool. I’ve got better things to do and plenty of other people I could be seeing.
2. I’m not looking for a casual hookup. I always know I’ll hear from you when you’re feeling horny/I post an extra hot selfie that makes you think about how much you want to get me into bed. It literally takes about five minutes from the time I post for a text from you to pop up. However, while I love good sex as much as the next person, I’m also not looking to be anyone’s casual hookup. You’ll have to do a little better than that.
3. If you want to get me in bed, texting is literally the bare minimum. While I’m not saying I’m looking for a ring on my finger before I sleep with you, I do actually want someone who shows a bit of interest in getting to know me/being around me in a non-sexual capacity. If you want to get to the good stuff, sending me a text now and again just to see how I am and share what’s going on with you is literally the least you could do.
4. I deserve someone who’s consistent. It doesn’t exactly feel great when I know I’ll hear from you regularly when sex is involved, only for you to disappear when that’s not happening. It shows me you’re interested in one thing only and that you’re incapable of being consistent in my life. I’ve been through one too many crappy relationships to put up with anything else at this point.
5. If you’re not into someone, you shouldn’t waste their time. It really is that simple. If you’re not feeling it, don’t text me — ever again.