I Want To Break Up With My Boyfriend But I Don’t Want To Upset His Mom

I’ve been wanting to break up with my boyfriend for a while now but I haven’t because his mom and I are really close. Here’s why I’m reluctant to end things with him.

  1. I connect with his mom way more than I connect with him. I don’t know if I would’ve gotten serious with my boyfriend if I hadn’t liked his mom so much. She and I hit it off from the start, and even when he disappointed me or made me want to end the relationship, I always stuck with him because I assumed that some part of what made his mom and me so compatible would come through in our relationship. Unfortunately, it never did.
  2. Female friends are harder to find than boyfriends. Romantic chemistry is everywhere. All you have to do is walk into a coffee shop on a Wednesday afternoon and there will be at least three people you can find a spark with. Platonic chemistry is much harder to come by. My boyfriend’s mom became a real friend to me, and the thought of giving that friendship up just because I want to find someone new to date seems like a big sacrifice.
  3. She’s like a mentor to me and I don’t want to lose that. To be honest, my boyfriend’s mom was one of his main selling points. When I met her, I decided I wanted to get serious about the relationship just because I thought she was amazing and hoped my boyfriend had some of her qualities. Over time, she became like a second mother to me and I value our relationship enormously.
  4. She wanted us to get married. My boyfriend and I discussed marriage a few times but his mom just “knew” that we were destined to be together. She was more invested in our relationship than either of us were, and while I occasionally stopped to wonder if she might just be wiser than us, I think I knew from the start that he and I weren’t going to end up together.
  5. I know she wouldn’t be able to forgive me if I broke up with him. No matter how much his mom loves me, she loves him more (obviously) and would hate me for hurting him. If I knew I could break up with him and still keep my relationship with her intact, I’d end it today, but she doesn’t forgive people easily and I know it would hurt her deeply.
  6. She has nothing to do with why I want to end my relationship so it almost feels unnecessary. I want to break up with my boyfriend for a lot of reasons but his mom isn’t one of them. In fact, she’s the only reason I haven’t broken up with him already. It seems cruel to end my relationship with her just because her son isn’t the person I want to spend my life with.
  7. I know she’ll take it personally. Even though it’s not her fault that we’re not right for each other, I know she’ll take it as a personal slight if I dump my boyfriend. She’ll think she failed in some way or that I’m mad at her and not him. In reality, the relationship has just reached its expiration date. It’s no one’s fault but I know she’ll think it’s about her and cut me out of her life.
  8. I don’t want to make the breakup harder on my boyfriend. She’ll take it personally but she’ll also make it tough on my boyfriend. I’m pretty sure he’ll be just fine without me, but having to deal with his mom’s disappointment and irritation is going to make it a lot harder for him to move on. I don’t want to put him through that.
  9. I was the first girlfriend she’s ever actually liked. Breaking up would be so much easier if I knew that the next girlfriend he had would get along just as well with his mom as I do, but he’s told me so many times that I’m the first woman he’s dated who she’s actually liked and I don’t want her to be miserable with his dating choices again. My boyfriend will be totally fine without me but I don’t want to be “the one that got away” for his mom and make the lives of all of his future girlfriends hell.
  10. I know it’s not my fault that I don’t want to be dating her son anymore but I still feel guilty about it. There is no reason for me to feel bad about breaking up with someone I don’t want to be with, but I still feel like the whole situation is my fault. In the end, I know we’ll all be fine, but I hate feeling like I’m responsible for other people’s pain.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.