Want To Change Your Dating Game? Start Doing Nothing

Playing games at any stage of dating is lame and immature. Nobody wants to be toyed with and I’m definitely not encouraging you to say or do things you don’t want to—in fact, what I do recommend you do is nothing at all. It’s a big character reveal and it might just help you get exactly what you want.

  1. It’ll Reveal If He’s Really Interested. Guys aren’t really complicated creatures. If he wants to see you, he’ll make that happen. If you give him the opportunity to reach out and contact you first and he actually does it, you have a clear answer right there that he’s interested. There’s no sending a text and agonizing over whether or not he’s seen it yet and if he has, why he’s not responding. Calm down, step back, and let him come to you.
  2. If You Text Him, You’re Only Stroking His Ego. You can tell from a first encounter if someone is into you or not. If he gets that vibe from you and you reach out first, you’re only reaffirming your initial feelings for him without him having to put anything on the line. Then his ego is boosted right from the start because the girl that was checking him out at the bar made the first move. It’s way healthier to sit back and chill after you’ve made your interest clear.
  3. You’re Not A Guarantee—You Have To Be Earned. If there’s some mutual interest going on, he thinks he has you. Don’t give him that power—you’re not easy to get. You’re an independent woman with your own life and better things to do than text this guy. Who needs him? Even if you’re not feeling so hot at the moment and you’re eagerly waiting by the phone, that’s fine. Just don’t let him see that—make him work for you.
  4. He’ll Be Thinking About You if he likes you. If you two really hit if off, he’s absolutely going to be thinking about you, especially if you play the “do nothing and wait” card. Guys worry way more when they don’t hear from you. If they DO hear from you, you’re in the palm of their hands. They know what you’re up to and how you’re doing. There’s no mystery in that, nothing for them to fret over. If they don’t hear from you, it makes them wonder and it makes them eager.
  5. It’s Better To Be A Little Elusive Than Overly Available. You’re not closing any doors by being silent. You’re not blowing your shot. You can still make yourself available whenever you want, so don’t get frazzled about that. Be a little mysterious and appear a little elusive at first. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be kind, open, and warm, but guys love a little bit of chase. Silence gives you a cool and casual demeanor. Sooner or later, if it’s meant to be, he’ll come sprinting after you.
  6. It Keeps You Level-Headed. Sitting around and counting the minutes between texts is the worst. Guys don’t hang around with their friends interpreting response times and punctuation choices the way we do. Overthinking and overanalyzing suck—he’s definitely not going to spend his time doing this, so why should you?
  7. It’s Effective If You’re Single Or In A Relationship. If you’re single, this can be a power play to keep a guy hanging on your every move. If you’re in a relationship, it can help with a variety of issues. If you’re arguing and things are getting too heated, tell him you don’t want to talk for a while. The silence will help things cool down and he’ll be able to see your side more easily. If you feel a little taken for granted, utilize silence as some space for yourself. It will help you clear your head and it’ll help him appreciate what he has.
  8. It Prevents You From Saying Something You’ll Regret. Whether you’re angry or upset or over-excited, we all say things that we wish we hadn’t when emotions are running high. When you’re too wrapped up in everything, you say things we don’t mean, but if you take the time to process your thoughts and feelings and step away from the situation, you can avoid a potentially awkward and painful situation.
  9. It’s a BS Detector. Who wants to waste time on a guy who isn’t really interested? Nobody wants to be played or teased or strung along. This “do nothing” tactic helps to filter through all that crap. It can save you from a lot of wasted time and hurt, so if you try this and he never tries to get you, it obviously wasn’t meant to be. Better to move on and forget him.
  10. You Don’t Have To Be Silent For Long. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. If you don’t reach out and he’s not reaching out either but you truly think there was some connection between you, just text him. Nobody’s judging you. Above all, you should still trust your instincts. He might be shy or a little tentative, waiting by the phone as eagerly as you are. You’re still a strong, powerful woman, so don’t be afraid to go after what you want.
Hi all!

My name is Chaeli. I am a recent grad of UMass Amherst. I received my Bachelor of Arts degree in English. I enjoy traveling, large fluffy dogs, and eating in bed. I also love hanging with my ladies and writing, so I am stoked to be a part of Bolde!