It’s not a secret that you’re not going to get along perfectly with everyone you date, but some guys are worse for you than others. If the guy you’re seeing is showing you any of these signs, make no mistake — he’s a douchebag down to the core:
He makes you feel insecure on purpose.
The person you’re with should fill you with confidence and make you feel incredible. Sure, everyone says the wrong thing sometimes, but if the intention is good, let it slide. If he’s TRYING to make you insecure, though? Screw him.
His friends are douchebags.
The jerk apple never falls that far from the tree. Douchebags are, after all, herd animals. Some jerks have nice friends, and some nice men have jerk friends, but oftentimes, if everyone he’s close to is a douchebag, he will be, too.
He uses his phone while he’s at dinner with you.
Now before the mobile enthusiasts jump on me, hear me out. There are plenty of times it’s okay to check your phone when you’re on a date. For example, when your date is in the bathroom. Go nuts. Or if you’re expecting a time-sensitive email to come in, and you absolutely need to fire off a quick response (you get one per date AND you have to tell your date up front), that’s fine. But if there’s a lull in conversation and he’s instantly scrolling Instagram, bail. He is definitely NOT someone who’s going to be fun to hang out with for longer than the three minutes his attention span can handle.
He avoids discussing your relationship.
I’m not talking about not wanting to have ‘the talk’ but if you’ve been doing couple-y things for four months, you baked him a cake for his birthday, you sleep over but don’t have sex, and he STILL introduces you as his ‘friend’, you need to drop him. He’s a douche.
He’s outrageously insecure.
If he’s constantly comparing himself to other men or acting jealous when you so much as breathe in the same vicinity as another dude, he’s probably insanely insecure – which is zero fun to deal with and a recipe for douchey behavior. Nip that in the bud and move on to something better.
He talks about himself way too much.
You know the Eleanor Roosevelt quote that says how “small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, and great minds discuss ideas”? Well, douchey minds discuss themselves. Not asking about your life, not taking an interest in you, and not being engaged in the world around them means that nine out of ten times they’re going to be douchebags.
He’s sexist, but in a subtle way.
Covert sexism is both more destructive and harder to deal with than its overt counterpart. He might not be the guy shouting at women through his car window, but he could be making comments that suggest that women should “expect” to get catcalled based on how they dress. His mild-mannered approach to sexism may throw off your d-bag radar at first, but make no mistake: this guy is a genuine jerk.
He’s a bit too nice to your friends.
It’s great when the guy you’re dating gets along with your girlfriends, but there’s no reason for him to be incessantly telling them how beautiful they look or secretly trying to hang out with them without your knowledge. If your gut is telling you his friendliness towards your friends is crossing a line, it’s probably because you’re correct in thinking he’s trying to hit on them.
He only compliments you on your looks.
Not your career, not your awesome pottery or water-skiing or the fact that you can run a marathon like it’s no big deal. It’s always about your eyes or your hair or how your butt looks in those jeans. Compliments on your appearance are great, but if he can’t seem to realize that there are other amazing things about you, too, he’s not worth your time.
He does everything with his own interests in mind.
That video game console he got you for your birthday might have seemed like a sweet gesture… until you realize that he’s always the one playing it. He was happy to take you on a nice date… but then got angry when you didn’t immediately offer him oral sex once you got home. A douchebag will do nice things for you, but when it comes down to it, his motivation for doing them is almost always self-serving.
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