We all have traits that we can and can’t accept when it comes to the people we date, but sometimes, it’s easy to wonder if the things we consider to be dealbreakers are signs that we’re just shallow or have impossible standards. No matter what other people might tell me, though, these “silly” dealbreakers aren’t that silly at all. In fact, they’re very valid reasons to end a relationship. If you do any of these things, it’s just not going to work out.
- Not have a job. There are dudes out there who will tell me that refusing to date an unemployed man makes me a gold-digger. They’re wrong. Literally nothing is shallow about wanting to be with a guy who can financially support himself and won’t be relying on me to pay all the bills. As long as I’m holding myself to the same standard, I’m not high-maintenance for staying away from guys who refuse to enter the workforce.
- Be terrible at sex. Sexual compatibility isn’t all of a relationship in the same way that sugar isn’t all of a cake — you can technically go without it, but your cake is going to suck if you do. I’m not a bad person or a bad girlfriend for breaking up with someone because I hate getting naked with them, just as I wouldn’t be a bad person for ending things with someone who was great in bed, but lousy in other aspects. Life is too short for bad sex and I don’t want to put up with it for the rest of my life, so I have no issue breaking things off.
- Have poor hygiene. It might seem silly to break up with someone because he doesn’t brush his teeth that often or only showers once every few days, but it’s not. In addition to putting me at risk for diseases and infections, a man who refuses to practice basic hygiene is likely immature in other aspects as well. Plus, do I really want to spend your life begging my significant other to use deodorant? I don’t think so.
- Chew with your mouth open. Or snore. Or constant whistling. Everybody has little quirks that drive their partners somewhat insane, but we all have that one pet peeve that can be downright maddening. Whether you’re smacking his lips while eating mashed potatoes or you never stop bouncing your knee up and down, I always keep in mind that I’m going to have to deal with that behavior for the foreseeable future if I stay with this guy. If his little habit is something that makes me see red, nobody in their right mind should blame me for deciding I don’t want to spend my life trying to ignore the thing that drives me nuts.
- Continue to be BFF with your ex-girlfriend. Sometimes she’s really just a friend, sometimes she’s something more. Either way, I’m well within my rights to feel uncomfortable if my boyfriend seems to be closer with her than he is with me. Having a best gal pal doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but it’s fine if their relationship becomes too much for me and I feel the need to be with someone whose friendships don’t make me feel insecure.
- Have bad grammar. Straight up, I will not date a guy who’s a native English speaker and regularly misspells basic words or can’t string a sentence together — and I don’t feel bad about it. I’m probably going to be texting with my boyfriend a LOT, so if just reading his messages makes my eyes bleed, it might not be worth sticking around. Plus, intellectual compatibility isn’t something that should be overlooked in a relationship. I’m a word nerd and if my partner has the “you’re”/ “your” comprehension of a kindergartener, wanting to take a red pen to his Facebook statuses will be the least of my issues.
- Dislike dogs. Aside from the fact that people who don’t like animals are unworthy of love (kidding… kind of), I’d think long and hard about dating someone who doesn’t like spending time with my pet. It might be fine for now, but what happens once we move in together and he tells me he never wants to have animals in the house again? Would I be willing to go the rest of my life without a dog (or a cat) because of a guy? NOPE.
- “Like” all of another girl’s Instagram pics. Some people out there are serial “likers” and will double-tap anyone’s pics regardless of how great they look in a bikini. That said, if my guy seems to be particularly fixated on one girl’s account, it’s worth having a conversation about it. Even if he’s not cheating, it’s understandable that I might not want to date someone who’s pretty much saying “I think this girl is hot” to the whole world every time this woman posts a selfie.
- Act like a mama’s boy. There’s a big difference between a man who loves his mom and a man who relies on his mom for literally everything. Asking you mom’s opinion on something is one thing, but having to call your mom for every little decision he makes is something else entirely. By breaking up with a mama’s boy, I’m not criticizing him for valuing his family; I’m getting out of a situation that would eventually leave me with a spineless husband and an overbearing mother-in-law.
- Don’t know how to clean up after yourself. Whether or not I’m a neat freak, I’m not out of line for ending things with a guy who treats his apartment like it’s a dumpster. Even if he’s perfect in every other way, I have to take into account that his dirty lifestyle isn’t going to change anytime soon, and if things get serious between us, I’ll probably end up either cleaning up after him or living in all that mess. I’m not high-maintenance for not wanting to deal with all that — I’m just human.
- Don’t take pride in your appearance. It’s not like I’m going to hold out on dating anyone but Channing Tatum lookalikes, but I don’t think it’s wrong to have standards regarding attractiveness. Physical attraction is a huge part of any romantic relationship, and it’s not shallow to admit that. Both men and women are allowed to have preferences as to what they want a partner to look like, and if you’re not someone who cares all that much about taking pride in your appearance in regards to hygiene, dress sense, etc, I’m not wrong for walking away.
- Smell weird. Have you ever smelled someone and wondered how anyone could ever stand to be near them for long enough to date them? I’m not even talking about after they’ve spent a few days without bathing, either. Some people just… smell. The good news is that they’re not necessarily destined to be forever alone — sometimes, my aversion to their scent is just my body trying to help me out in finding the best daddy for your future baby. So a guy whose stench I can’t stomach might smell like perfection to another woman. But evolution aside, it’s never a good sign if I can’t be near my boyfriend without wanting to puke a little.
