If You Want To Find Love, Get A Hobby & A Life And You Might Find It

Looking for a relationship and feeling desperate to fall in love can be time-consuming and kinda sad. We consider settling, overanalyze everything, and wonder if it’ll ever happen or if we’ll die alone. But what happens when we stop and start focusing on ourselves? You might find what you always wanted.

  1. You strengthen your most important relationship—the one with yourself. Once you change your energy and take your focus off lacking a relationship, you discover more about and develop a deeper relationship with yourself. You find yourself with more time and energy when you aren’t wasting it worrying about why you’re single. Incidentally, this makes you an even better catch. Funny how that works.
  2. You fine-tune your dating standards. You start to see through that cloud of heartbreak left over from your last relationship and figure out exactly what you want from a guy and a relationship. Maybe you wanted to get married and he didn’t but you stuck around anyway. Or, maybe he never cared about your interests and he only kept you around when he wanted to get laid or needed female attention. When you take a step back from dating, you can fine-tune your standards and increase your chances of getting what you actually want.
  3. You focus on what’s really important. Maybe your work performance was slipping because you wasted your time worrying about that almost relationship or your family hasn’t seen you since you’ve been holed up in your apartment because that dude never called. Once you’re out of that fog, you start to see things a lot more clearly and give your time and energy to the people and things that actually deserve it.
  4. You stop falling for manipulators and liars. If you’re jumping from one relationship to the next, you’ll never see why the previous one failed. You’ll start to see a pattern of the same guys using and abusing their privileges with you. If you’re dating online, you know it’s literally a breeding ground for manipulators and liars. Guys are looking for their quick fix and you can’t see the difference anymore because you’re desperately looking for a relationship. When you stop looking for relationships, you start to see through all the messed up ones out there and sharpen your BS detector for the future.
  5. You understand why your past relationships failed. Taking a breather from love can be the answer to all your problems. When you stop looking, it gives you ample time to figure out what you’re doing to attract the wrong guy. Depending on the situation, you might have to do lots of soul-searching and eat a slice of humble pie because admitting your own mistakes is hard. It could also take more time than you want but it’ll be worth it.
  6. You get re-acquainted with your self-worth. When you emerge from a terrible relationship, it’s so tempting to throw yourself a pity party. You beat yourself up and wonder why you got ghosted or cheated on, but when you do that, you’re inviting more negative energy. It’s hard to look for the positives when a breakup happens, but critiquing what you did wrong and knowing you can do better next time reestablishes your self-worth. You don’t sit around wondering why he left you but turn it around and realize he was never good enough for you anyway.
  7. You create your own happiness. When you create your own happiness, you’ll never look to a person to fulfill it for you. A guy’s attention is temporary and if you only feel good when he’s around, you’re setting yourself up for disaster. When you’re alone, you start to enjoy taking care of yourself and find happiness in the things you control and what you do every day. The next time a guy decides not to answer your text or lead you on, you have complete control of your own happiness and his choices don’t affect it.
  8. You attract Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now. Guys can smell desperation. They know exactly the right words and actions to use and do to reel you in and spit you out. When you’re putting out desperate vibes into the universe, you get the unemotional guys who don’t want relationships. They disappear right after they get laid and never text you again. When you take a step back and change your attention and vibes, it’ll attract the perfect guy for you.
  9. You bypass the weird AF dating trends. To try and define the weird AF dating trends would take entirely too long to figure out so why not take the time to be alone. Why try to figure out if he’s breadcrumbing or microcheating on you when you could take that energy and put it into something productive? Think about it.
28-year-young writer with a love for reality TV, boy bands, Tinder, and being the most bad ass single lady on the East Coast.