Want To Find Love? Get Rid Of These 12 Things

When it comes to finding love, you don’t have to give up who you are. You don’t have to trade your friends for a boyfriend or say goodbye to your career, your hopes, or your dreams. You don’t have to give up everything, but here’s what you do have to be willing to let go of:

  1. Your old friend self-doubt You need to believe you deserve love. You know that voice inside your head that tells you that you’re not good enough? The one that makes you believe you’re not worthy of real love? Well, it’s time to silence it, because you do deserve love—we all do. The faster you believe that the faster you’ll find it.
  2. Your leftover feelings for your ex If you want to find love with someone new then you need to let go of the past. Stop living in the land of what could have been and start focusing on the present and the potential future. Sometimes plans don’t work out and dreams don’t come true, but is one failed wish worth giving up altogether?
  3. Your fear of commitment What’s the point in finding love if you’re just going to run from it? Maybe you have trust issues or you’re just afraid of getting hurt, but if you can’t commit to a man then loving him will be totally pointless. Just remember your heart needs to be open in order to let someone else in. Deal with your personal baggage first, and then and only then should you start looking for love.
  4. Living a life that’s your way or the highway You can’t expect a man to live by your rules. Relationships are all about compromise—no one is the boss and no one “wears the pants” in a successful relationship. You’re partners and that’s why you have to work together in order to share a life you both want. Give AND take because you both deserve to be happy.
  5. Being anyone but yourself Don’t try to be the perfect girl for some guy. What you should be looking for is a man who loves you for exactly the person that you are. Trying to impress a man by changing the fundamentals of what makes you, you’ll never give you true love in the end. Instead, he’ll fall for an imposter and eventually you’ll get sick of trying to act the part of the perfect girl and miss just being you.
  6. Faking your orgasms Most women have faked an orgasm at least once in their lives, and too many women fake that mind-blowing pleasure on a regular basis. But if you want a real relationship this is one of the first bad habits you should quit. If you have real love with your partner, you should be able to be honest with him. If he doesn’t leave you satisfied, don’t be afraid to ask for further assistance. After all, your sexual needs are just as important as his.
  7. The guy who broke your heart Not the ex you still have feelings for but the one who made you believe forever was possible before ripping it away. The one who made you afraid of love or the possibility of a love that doesn’t last. You need to let go of the notion that every guy will be just like him because a million guys could break your heart until one of them doesn’t.
  8. Wanting to change a man The desire to change the bad boy is a schoolgirl fantasy that only results in misery. You need to stop finding thrill in risking your heart on the bad boys and start giving the good guys a chance. If you’re serious about finding love then you have to give up the games and leave the drama behind.
  9. The fear of loneliness What you need to accept is that you might want a man but you don’t need one. Sure, you want love and companionship, everyone does, but if you never got it, if you were single until your dying day, you’d be okay. Until you realize that, you’ll never be capable of real love, only desperation.
  10. Your resentment towards men You’ve had toxic exes, men who played you and just plain wronged you, but there are still good guys out there. You can’t punish the entire male population for a few (okay, more than few) bad eggs. It’s going to be hard but you need to let go of that anger. You can’t resent your future husband for the jerks of your past.
  11. The idea that any man could make you happy The girls who find love are the ones who figured out that they’re in charge of their own happiness. You have to first be happy by yourself before you can truly be happy with someone else. Falling in love won’t fix your problems and finding your dream guy won’t cure your depression. Happiness comes first, finding a good man comes second.
  12. The “perfect” man you dreamed up in your head No man is perfect, so stop looking for perfection in your love life. Every man will have his quirks and his flaws—hell, every human being will—so what you really need to find is acceptance. You may have dreamed of Prince Charming all your life, but give up the guy in your head and you might just find that reality is so much better.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.