Of course I’ve stalked my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on social media. I may not be proud of it, but there’s no sense lying about it. The weird thing is, every time I do it, I wind up with the same weird thought: I kind of want to be friends with her. Here’s why:
- Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. At first I was all about digging up the dirt. I wanted to paint a picture of her as this bitchy, conniving, self-centered person who dug their claws into him. I basically pictured Regina George. Then after seeing pictures and blog posts and reading her friends’ comments, I realized she was totally normal (or as normal as a person can be). I wanted to know who she really was.
- I feel like I know her. Through all my digging, I started to really get a sense of who she is. She’s fun, likes to travel, her favorite color is orange. OK, maybe I’m lying about the color part, but I really have to stop myself. This is crazy! I shouldn’t want to know about her but I do. I feel like I’ve started to find a common ground with her.
- I want to know more. Let’s face it — social media isn’t real life. We project the best version of ourselves so we seem so worldly and amazing, no matter how screwed up our lives actually are. Unless you really know the person whose profile you’re viewing, you aren’t going to get a full picture of what they’re like. I look at her photos and think, “Is she really this cool or is this an act?” I can only find that out if I meet her and feel her vibe.
- She actually looks super fun. Boyfriends don’t exactly paint a pretty picture of their exes. They’re usually vague and don’t want to give any details, and asking will just make us look weird and jealous. That’s why I originally started looking myself. At first glance, she actually looked like so much fun! I expected her to have five heads or too much black eyeliner or SOMETHING! She looked like someone I would hang out with instead, and I kind of want to.
- We’re secretly bonded. I think it speaks volumes that out of all the people in the world, she and I choose the same person. That makes us cosmically connected in some odd way. Dare I say a sisterhood? We both know how he works, what makes him tick and we both took on the same role with the exact same person. If that doesn’t give us some common ground, I don’t know what does.
- I want to know why they got together and why they broke up. We’re the complete opposite of each other, like night and day. After I found out who she was, the only thing I could think to myself was, “Why?” Out of all the people on the planet, why her? I can’t exactly ask my boyfriend this question. He might not even know the answer, or he might have too much respect for me to answer it if he could. She holds the key to all my unanswered questions.
- I want to know her side. Don’t get me wrong. Every relationship is different. Their problems are not our problems, and I don’t want to bring their energy into our relationship. But haven’t you ever wondered, “What if I could interview my boyfriend’s ex before starting my future with him?” Would you? What would she say? What is her side of the story? We all know there’s his side, her side, and the truth.
- He’ll never be able to neutrally tell me the truth. It can be tough talking about a past relationship, especially when the relationship ended badly. Every time something about her randomly comes up in conversation, he gets quiet and stoic, almost like he is trying to block out that it ever happened. But maybe that’s a good thing. Though we’ve never met each other, it was meant to be that way.
