If You Want To Get Chased, You Have To Stop Chasing

It’s hard as hell to be patient when you meet a guy you really like. You’ve gone on a few dates with him and things are going great, but you’re getting a bit antsy for him to make a move to make things official already. Ugh. Would it be so bad to encourage him a little? No, but if you’re actively pursuing him with little effort on his behalf, you’re making a big mistake. Here’s why:

  1. He needs to show you he’s worthy of your attention. Why are you showing him he’s so worthy of your time and energy? What about YOU? He should be pursuing you and showing you that he not only thinks you’re the finest creature he’s ever met but that he’s going to step up and be an amazing person to get you. If you’re doing all the work, you prevent this from happening.
  2. You don’t want to look desperate AF. You might not think it looks desperate when you’re making all the moves, but it does. It also becomes super boring for him because there’s no fun and anticipation. Talk about a mood killer!
  3. If you throw it on the table, your worth drops. It might seem old-fashioned to want the guy to do the chasing, but it’s really not a gender thing. It’s a logical thing. When something comes too easily, it’s normal for people to become skeptical of its value. Why should he have you as his GF when you’re making yourself so available? He might as well just have you as his hookup, then.
  4. What he does in the beginning sets the pace for the relationship. When you’ve been dating for a while, you see what someone’s really made of and if they’ll be a good partner. You also see just how willing a guy is to meet you halfway and work for you. If he’s not doing anything but you’re the one making the effort, then something’s wrong AF. He’s got to rise to the occasion from the beginning if you expect him to continue impressing you as time goes on.
  5. You make it too easy if you pave the way for romance. Yes, you’re an independent woman and you go after what you want, but if you’re over-exerting yourself to get this guy, you make it too easy for him to slide by without having to earn your respect, love and energy. This is a budding relationship. You really shouldn’t have to work so hard to make it happen.
  6. He’ll lose interest if you chase him. If he’s not that interested in pursuing you but you’re chasing him, the balance is thrown and soon he’ll lose even more interest. Seriously, if he wanted you and respected what you thought of him, he’d be pulling out all the shots to make you his and chasing you hard. He wouldn’t be taking his sweet time. By chasing him, you’re pushing him further away. It’s like trying to get a kid to eat his veggies.
  7. Letting go is what makes people come to you. If you try too hard to get something, it slips further out of your grasp. If you stop putting pressure on someone, you let them come to you and increase the chance that they will. Why? Because then you’re this carefree, sexy person that everyone wants to be around.
  8. You don’t come across as a clinger. It’s hard to play it cool when you really like a guy, but honestly, it just makes you look bad if you don’t. And in months to come when you look back, you’ll have forgotten his sexy face but you’ll remember what you did so stay classy and cool.
  9. You’re instantly sexier if you’re mysterious. Everyone wants mystery. If you’re throwing yourself at a guy or showing him just how much you like him, you’re too much of an open book. The suspense is gone. Where’s the fun in that? The whole point of him chasing you is so that he can get to know you, layer by layer. Be a little less open, a little less giving of yourself, and see what happens.
  10. Guys want the woman they can’t have. For guys, there’s something more satisfying about going for the woman who’s just out of reach. It makes them chase her harder because they love a challenge. If she’s right at their heels the whole time, it becomes annoying.
  11. You don’t want the anti-chaser. If you have to keep chasing a guy, it’s worth stopping to ask yourself what’s going on. You have to take a step back and stop all your efforts at once. Abort the mission. Let him take over the chase because you’re a queen worthy of his attention, okay? And if he can’t see that, then like hell are you going to trade in your crown for a pair of running shoes so that you can make him yours. You honestly don’t even want a man like that!
  12. Stopping the chase shows you what you’re dealing with. It’s only when you stop chasing a guy that you see what he’s truly made of and if he’s meeting you halfway with how he feels. If he doesn’t put in the work, then you know where you stand so you don’t waste your time and energy trying to make a relationship out of nothing. Too many women are waiting around and chasing a guy, but no guy worthy of your affection will make you chase him. He’s too manly and chivalrous for that BS.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.