I Want To Get Married But There’s No Way I’ll Have A Wedding

In truth, I really do want to get married. I love the idea of spending forever with someone and making that large of a commitment. Still, just the thought of planning an actual wedding is enough to give me a severe anxiety attack. If I have any say in the matter with my future husband, I’ll be pushing for an elopement.

I’m too freaking emotional and I hate attention. Every wedding I’ve been to, all the focus is on the bride, and that’s how it should be. All the guests ooh-ing and aah-ing over the dress, the cake, you name it—some women live for those moments. And then there’s me, who dreads those moments. I know as soon as the attention starts, no matter how well-intentioned it may be, I’ll get super uncomfortable and end up bawling the entire time. I’d rather just avoid that in front of a lot of people and save it for a smaller crowd.

I’ll have a hard time not inviting everyone. I hate confrontation and conflict, so when it comes to the guest list, being selective would be the worst. I would look for an excuse to invite everyone, not wanting any person in my life to feel as if they were overlooked or left out. I hate saying no; it’s usually just easier to say yes for me, even if it’s what I don’t ultimately want. If I have a smaller wedding then I really only have to worry about the groom and our immediate family.

Not getting an RSVP from the people I’ve invited will set me off. It’s common courtesy! If you’re invited to a wedding, you RSVP. The whole planning process is so strategic that trying to squeeze in a place for someone (or a few people) at the last minute will probably cause me to have an anxiety attack. Another one. I’ll already have enough to worry about that day and even if others are assisting me, I’ll definitely take on the stress of it myself. That’s just how I work. I want to just cut that out altogether. Those that need to be there will be there, and I don’t want to worry about casual acquaintances on my day.

I don’t want to have a line yet my friends will all want to be involved. I get that this isn’t a requirement by any means, but it seems that the second you hear a gal is engaged, all her friends start vying for the role of bridesmaid. I’ve never understood why I’d rather just sit back and watch. I would have to be upfront and just tell them that doing a formal line isn’t my thing but I know that’ll leave some of my girls slightly disappointed and I just don’t want to deal with that.

Posed pictures seem like a good idea but they’re not for me. When it comes to my wedding, I want photographs of me, my future husband, and the people closest to us in a candid setting. I don’t care about the background or location, I don’t care about getting a shot with every single guest. I do have a small worry I might regret not having more photos after the fact, but in the moment, the ones I’ll remember and cherish will be taken during the ceremony itself and it will be a lot more intimate than multiple forced photographs.

Everyone’s got an opinion. I get that people have their hearts in the right place when giving advice, especially when it comes to what is supposed to be the most special day of my life, but I’d rather just do it my way. If I went with a big shindig, I’d pick out what I want and any comment that even mildly criticized my taste would irritate me. I know myself well enough to just scratch that altogether so that I can worry about what’s important, like getting married!

The guests will want a bar and no one will be satisfied. Cash bar? People will complain about paying. Open bar? Everyone will get super wasted, probably including me. It’s my wedding and I want fond memories, not memories of random drunk people, or memories I, myself don’t recall. I can have a small, civil ceremony and then a party after but I’d definitely want to keep the two separate. I want to take a few days to let the joy of the wedding itself settle and then have a celebration with more people after with a lot less pressure.

I’ll be more worried about making sure everyone is having a good time than enjoying things myself. By nature, I’m a caregiver. I’m the one at every gathering asking people if they need refills or if the temperature is comfortable. Even if I’m told multiple times to enjoy my day, I won’t. I’ll stress worrying that everyone is enjoying themselves that I’ll miss out on my own enjoyment. I really don’t want that.

I’d much rather spend the funds on something practical. The biggest reason I don’t want to have a large wedding is because of the cost. Even if I’m not paying for it, I’d so much rather put that kind of money towards something practical. Why not use it as a down-payment on our first house together? Or even taking a really amazing honeymoon? With either of those, multiple memories will be created instead of just memories of just one day.

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