Marriage has always been a major life goal of mine. Whenever I started dating someone in the past, I’d often explain that I was looking for long-term commitment leading to marriage. However, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that a lot of people don’t respect that as a goal, and they have no issue giving their two cents on the matter. Frankly, I’m sick of hearing these things just because I want to tie the knot:
“Why do you want to get married so badly anyway? Why can’t you just be happy on your own?” This is one of those things that always feels like a slap in the face because, in all honesty, it is one. You don’t ever hear anyone tell someone who’s trying to conceive that they shouldn’t want a kid. You don’t ever hear anyone deriding someone’s desire to go to college, get a job, or volunteer for a non-profit, either. Why? Because it’s insanely rude to do. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t want something; you have no right to make that call in my life.
“You’re desperate.” Just because a woman has marriage as a life goal doesn’t mean she’s desperate. I hear this one a lot due to my decision to marry my friend, but honestly, it’s not a matter of desperation for me. I have enough respect to marry someone who respects me, rather than to dance around like a needy puppy in a dating pool that’s more like a septic tank than anything else.
“So, that means you’re a gold digger, right?” No, just because I want to be married doesn’t mean that I want a man to support me. Believe it or not, I actually took great pride in being generous to my exes—often to the point that I’d end up being taken advantage of. The fact that so many people automatically assume that I want to be married for financial reasons really hurts and frankly, it’s often reason enough to stop talking to them.
“It’s not attractive to be that forward about wanting commitment.” Oh, really? Well, I’m sorry that guys don’t respect women who go after what they want. I can’t respect men who are afraid of commitment and I definitely can’t respect guys who expect women to just never mention what they want, do everything right, and hope things will turn out the way they want to.
“Marriage is just a contract, it doesn’t matter.” If it’s “just a contract” then why did so many activists fight and protest for the right for LGBTQ marriage? If it’s “not important” then why did so many people in the South fight anti-miscegenation laws? Marriage is important to me, and it’s more than just a contract. It’s an agreement that you’ll be there for one another, and that you are a team. It’s an act that gives you special rights in your relationship to them. If that’s “not important” to you, I don’t know what to tell you.
“If you want marriage so badly, why do you pick the worst guys?” Most girls I know who are dating and looking for marriage don’t intentionally pick out jerks. After all, it’s not like jerks and commitment-phobes exactly come with the words “DO NOT DATE” stamped on a warning label on their foreheads. Sometimes, people fool us.
“You should date a nice guy.” Generally, the people who say this are guys who believe that being polite is the full qualification a guy needs in order to get laid. Oh, and they’re not nice, either. They’re typically abusive, entitled prats that don’t see women as people. If that’s what “nice” is, I think it would be best for me to pass.
“Well, if you wanted to be married so badly, maybe you shouldn’t dress that way/live that lifestyle/be who you actually are.” This one is so infuriating because of what it implies. I hear this a lot because I have bright pink hair and wear punk clothes, and it almost always deals with my taste in clothing. Although I have no issue with self-improvement, when it’s people actually picking me apart for basic lifestyle choices, I have no choice but to take offense. I don’t judge people based on what they wear or how they choose to live life; why do they think telling me to change everything I am is acceptable?
“But it’s so nice to be single!” I usually hear this from taken people. My reply is, “So if it’s so nice to be single, how about you break up with your spouse? It’s a million times better, right?”
“Don’t give up; you’ll find your future husband when you least expect it.” I’ve been hearing this one ever since I announced the marriage pact decision; every single person I’ve met has told me not to give up dating, to wait until “The One” magically appears, et cetera. I really don’t get why people feel the need to tell me this. Life does not work like a romantic comedy; if you want something, you need to work for it. Spouses and romance don’t just randomly happen. Additionally, some people can and do end up alone. Besides, this is so condescending.
“Marriage is a raw deal for men; we men are onto you.” Almost always, this is spoken by a guy who is bitter, cruel, and hateful towards women. Yeah, no thanks. If those are the guys who are rejecting marriage then maybe it’s for the best that they stay away from women.
“Maybe you’re just too picky.” Uh, I realize this dating scene is super shallow, but people are allowed to have their standards. I know what works for me so I’m sticking to those guidelines. Lowering my standards isn’t going to help me in the grand scheme of things.
“Have you considered trying out open relationships or being a side chick?” I can’t believe how many guys seem to think it’s okay to ask a girl who’s looking for “The One” if she’s willing to play Second Banana to an already-existing girl. If ever there was a reason to stop believing in men being capable of love, it’s this garbage right here.
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