If You Want To Get Over A Breakup, Use Your Head Instead Of Your Heart

The end of a relationship is always an emotional time, and it can be hard to see past your feelings and look at things objectively. It may be easier said than done, but you don’t need to let your emotions control you even during the toughest parts of your dating life. When you feel like you’re drowning in anger and sorrow, take a deep breath and try to let your logical side remind you of these things so you can move on as soon as possible:

  1. You weren’t compatible. There are a lot of different ways to be compatible with someone, and when it comes to a romantic relationship, you probably need more than just the fact that you both like pizza if it’s going to work. If one person is really social and the other is a homebody, or you just have different lifestyles, staying together would have been an uphill battle.
  2. You didn’t want the same things. Not wanting the same things is one of the most common reasons couples decide to end their relationships. If you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa), staying together would mean one of you would have to change your mind — there’s no such thing as meeting in the middle on many of the major issues.
  3. You just weren’t happy anymore. There are plenty of reasons why you might not have been happy together anymore, but if nothing was changing, the only real solution is to take time apart. Pretending to be happy or accepting the status quo might work for some people, but it’s okay if that’s not good enough for you.
  4. Keeping it going had become more effort than it was worth. Were you constantly walking on eggshells around each other? Or were you spending more time working through issues than enjoying each other’s company? If every day was a struggle, the stress was bound to catch up with you eventually. Relationships may require work, but it shouldn’t be hard every single day.
  5. You don’t want to waste more time. Not that a failed relationship is necessarily a waste of time, but if you already came to the conclusion that things weren’t working and you were on different paths, there was no point in dragging out the breakup. Living in denial wasn’t going to change anything.
  6. One or both of you needed to be on your own. Being single and knowing how to take care of yourself are important parts of being an adult. If you’ve always been in a relationship, you might eventually get to a point where you need to be alone and prove to everyone — and yourself — that you can be self sufficient. Now’s your chance.
  7. You can address your emotions without wallowing in them. Being logical after a break up doesn’t mean you have to ignore your feelings completely — that’s actually a terrible idea. But you can work through them by talking about them and trying to understand why things didn’t work out. That way, you at least you learned something about yourself and what you want out of a relationship.
  8. You still have plenty going for you. It’s not as if breaking up with him left you with nothing to look forward to or get excited about. You still have your career, your family and friends, and your hobbies. It might sometimes feel like being in a relationship is the most important thing to worry about when you’re feeling lonely, but it definitely isn’t.
  9. Now you’re free to find someone who’s better for you. Hopefully you weren’t on the prowl while you were still trying to salvage your relationship. Now that you’re 100 percent single, you can stop hoping things will work out with him and start dating new people. It’s only a matter of time before you find the right guy and fall in love again.
  10. You know you made the right choice. Even if you sometimes have a panicky thought that you might have made a terrible mistake, chances are you didn’t. Your reasons for breaking up were valid, so you can stop worrying and start moving on.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.