If You Want Guys To Treat You Better, Start Treating Yourself Better

After one too many bad dates, it might be tempting to believe that there are just no good guys out there and that all that are left are the jerks, but that’s just not true. There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you well, but you have to demand it — and maybe the first step is learning to treat yourself better.

  1. If you don’t know your worth, no one else will either. People might be able to see glimmers of your wonderful self, but if you aren’t solidly aware of it then your fears and insecurities will take over and keep your amazing qualities from shining through. It’s up to you to find your worth and own it because no one else can do that for you.
  2. The more dynamic your life is, the more interesting people you will meet. Treating yourself well means pursuing your interests, taking care of business, and giving yourself credit for doing so. When you’re bossing life and ensuring that you’re happy and fulfilled, you’re more likely to meet interesting people who are not only in the same position but also respect you for your hustle.
  3. You don’t have to put up with bad behavior, so don’t. Even the best guys out there will test their limits in certain situations and see what they can get away with when there are no real standards in place for what you will and won’t accept. If you allow people to treat you poorly, they might just get into a habit of doing so. Put a stop to it at first sight. Either the guy in question will straighten up or he’ll leave your life. Either way, it’s a win-win for you.
  4. Stressing out about a guy is unnecessary stress. Stress of any kind has real effects on both the mind and the body, and you seriously don’t need that crap. The more you realize that taking care of your own well-being comes first, the less your mind will start to run away on tangents that can literally become harmful to your health. If things are meant to be with a guy, they will be, whether you stress about it or not. Why not save yourself the unnecessary grief?
  5. When you respect yourself, the cowards run away. You don’t have to figure out who’s real and who’s fake — all you need to do is respect yourself all day everyday and the people who can’t rise to the occasion will run for the hills. They can’t hang because they don’t want to change, and if they can’t control you, they’ll move on to an easier target. Bye!
  6. No one else can really make you happy. If you’re missing the feeling of happiness, it’s natural to look for it in other people, but it’s also a mistake to think that someone else can hand it you. Another person might make you happy in certain moments, but if you aren’t happy with yourself, those external sources can go out just as quickly as they came.
  7. Rude dudes love an insecure woman. If you’re working the insecure angle, you can be sure that you’re attracting guys who like that about you. When you’re having a hard time getting away from a certain type that keeps breaking your heart, it might be time to change something within yourself. I guarantee you it starts with having the confidence and strength to walk away from jerks.
  8. Treating yourself well means knowing yourself. You have to know what you want in order to get it, and that means actually knowing who you are as a person on an intimate level is the first part of the process. The more you know yourself, the more relaxed you can be about looking inward and seeing why you are the way that you are, and the less you’ll blame yourself for not being perfect. You’re not supposed to be perfect.
  9. The more secure you are, the less needy you’ll be. Neediness comes from the wrong place. Sure, you might need people, but not in spite of yourself. Looking outward for things that can only come from within just causes discord in relationships, so the more secure you are with who you are, the more likely it is that other people will be drawn to you. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
  10. You have to believe that you’re enough. We’re all on a constant journey that ebbs and flows — that’s how life works and it always will. But you have to believe that you’re enough right now, no matter what you would like to change about yourself or your life. When you know that you’re enough, you feel worthy and will follow opportunities that reflect that worthiness back.
  11. You already know that it’s the only way. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you probably know somewhere inside that things in life don’t change until you do. Don’t let this concept be a frightening one. Instead, allow it to give you a new freedom of direction to choose exactly who you want to be and the experiences that you desire to have.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com