I Want Love But I Don’t Need It — And That Feels Amazing

I’ve finally reached a place in my life where I want to be with someone instead of feeling like I need a relationship to fill a void inside me. It took a long time, but I’m very proud of myself for getting here. Here are the reasons I’m now perfectly fine surviving without love:

  1. I adore being alone. I was always a loner, even as a child. I got older and gained baggage and thought I needed someone to love me to feel fulfilled, but I always liked my space. Now I’ve done some self-study and come full circle, back to where I’m comfortable alone. In fact, it’s usually a lot easier for me than being with someone else.
  2. I’ve learned to love myself. Part of the reason that I clung so desperately to relationships before was because I didn’t love myself. I needed a guy to validate that I was worthy of love. It never satisfied me because I had no love inside for myself. Now I genuinely like who I am and I don’t need a guy to tell me that I’m worth something.
  3. I understand now that true love for another doesn’t mean dependency. Man, it took many years to figure this one out! I never knew that I was co-dependent but in retrospect, I can see all the glaring issues. I was looking to fulfill myself through a relationship because I didn’t know who I was. Now I seek an equal love with someone who can stand beside me.
  4. I’m very careful and selective about who gets the gift of my attention. It’s a good thing that I’m cool being on my own because I hardly date at all. I’m very picky about who I give a piece of my limited time. I’m so busy that I don’t have a lot of attention and energy for something new. I need to know that the man I’m with deserves and appreciates my time as much as my friends do.
  5. I usually enjoy life more without a partner. I’ve gone from needing someone to the opposite extreme — I’m happier single. This is why I don’t date. It takes me very little time to figure out that most guys aren’t worth giving up my solo life. It’ll require a very special guy to get me to settle down and relinquish some of my freedom.
  6. I’ve learned how to let go of the wrong people. I grew up wanting everyone to like me. I hated the idea of anyone judging me or making fun of me, and it happened a lot when I was a teenager. I had a hard time letting go of what people think. I finally did it and I feel incredibly liberated. That has, in turn, allowed me to recognize toxic people in my life and get rid of them, including men.
  7. I’ll be happy if the right man comes along, but I’m not lonely. It feels amazing to wait and choose what I want instead of going for the first prospect who comes along. I used to be so excited when someone who I liked actually liked me back that I’d jump in with little regard for whether we had long-term potential. This got me into regrettable situations. Now I’m content to chill on my own and see what happens.
  8. I’ve filled up my life with all sorts of other love. I have an amazing family and a huge, lovely group of wonderful friends. I’ve spent years building lasting connections with people who will stick by me through anything. No matter how many men pass through, my friends remain. I know that they’re the true loves of my life and I feel fulfilled whether or not I’m romantically involved.
  9. I’m extremely comfortable with who I am. It took me a long time to get here so I’m going to enjoy it! I love the person I am — a person I once hated. I could hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror, I was so out of touch with myself. I now accept and embrace myself even when it’s tough. I know that I have no choice or I’ll live a depressed existence. I love myself and I don’t need a man to do it for me.
  10. I work on myself every day instead of giving all my energy to a relationship. I used to pour my heart and soul into my partnerships. I didn’t want to admit that I had no idea where my life was going, so I gave my all to my boyfriend instead. It felt so much easier, but when I went through a breakup, I came undone. Now I put in work every day to make sure I’m never in that situation again.
  11. I’m not willing to settle for less than I deserve. I never believed I deserved what I wanted, so I would settle for men who didn’t make me happy. I hardly knew what I wanted in the first place anyway. Now I know what I deserve and what I want, and I’m going to go on living my best life regardless of whether the right man comes along or not.
  12. I now know that I deserve a lot! I was always so afraid before to ask for what I wanted and speak up for myself. It’s still difficult at times, I won’t lie, but I force myself to do it because I know that it’ll be better for all parties involved. Funny enough, men can’t read my mind. I always thought my perfect guy would automatically understand and know me, but that’s not reality. Now I ask for what I know I deserve.
  13. It’s beyond rewarding to have the freedom to choose love instead of chasing it. I don’t feel any sort of pressure to find love. I have no timeline. I’m just living my best life day-by-day. This is the happiest I’ve ever been so I’m going to breathe and appreciate it. Now that I’ve figured out what I want, it’s a lot more likely to come around. Until then, I’ll keep on appreciating every moment the best that I can!
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.