I Want To Be With A Man Who Has No Desire To Change Me

I am who I am, and though it took me a long time to get to this place, I finally love myself just the way I am. I don’t want to be a work in progress or some man’s rough draft. I want a man who has no desire to change me because he actually likes me for me.  If you don’t, don’t bother.

  1. Don’t settle for me if you don’t really love me. If this isn’t right, I don’t want to waste my time. If you settle for a relationship that’s not exactly what you want, you’re also forcing me to settle for a man who doesn’t truly love me. That’s not fair to either of us. I’m holding out for true love, for a guy who just can’t get enough for me, and I won’t settle for anything less than that.
  2. I’d rather be alone than change who I am for a guy. I love myself just the way I am and that’s why I believe that I deserve a man who sees what a catch I am too. I’m not a girl who needs a man’s love to make me feel good about myself. I don’t need to change who I am just to land a guy so I can feel worthy in life. I’d rather just be on my own.
  3. If you really like me, then everything else will come naturally. When a relationship is right, everything falls into place without any sort of manipulation. We won’t have to force a connection because we’re kindred spirits already. You won’t need to try to change me because you already like this version of me, flaws and all. Our relationship will progress naturally because we’ll have the most important thing — true and genuine love for one another. If this doesn’t happen, it’s not right.
  4. I’m not perfect — so what? No one’s perfect — and frankly, I wouldn’t ever want to be. My imperfections are what make me unique and special, and I want a man who can learn to love and appreciate that. I’m trying to grow as a person every day, but I don’t want to be flawless. As long as I’m the best version of me I can be, I’m happy.
  5. I want a man who’s all in. If you’re not happy with me as I am now, then you’ll always want to change me and resent me when it doesn’t happen. You’ll just keep going after something more, something I can never give you. You’ll always have one foot in the relationship and the other foot out the door. I don’t want to live like that. You’re either all in with me the way I am now or we can’t be anything at all.
  6. I’m no one’s project. If I’m your DIY project, then I’ll feel like you’re only with me because you couldn’t find anyone better or you’re such a narcissist that you want to mold me into the girlfriend of your dreams. That’s seriously messed up and I’m not interested. If you’re into bettering things, work on yourself first.
  7. There’s probably a girl out there who’s already what you want — go find her. If you have to put in so much “work” to “improve” me then you’re wasting your time. You clearly have an idea of the kind of girlfriend you want and I’m not it. Maybe you should stop wasting time and go find her.
  8. I want a man who’s with me for one reason — he loves me. There might be a million reasons we love each other, but we should be together because of that love alone. I don’t want a man with ulterior motives. If you’re looking for sex, a sugar mama, a project to make you feel like you’ve done your good deed or simply companionship, then you’re not the guy for me. Be with me because you love me and because you fell for the exact person I am, not because you simply wanted someone, anyone to love.
  9. I won’t date a guy who doesn’t see me as an equal. If you’re constantly trying to change me, you obviously think there’s something wrong with me and that you’re in the position to fix it. That means you already think you’re better than me, and I don’t need that BS in my life. I want an equal partner. If I can’t have that then I’d rather be alone.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.