I Want A Modern Man With Old-Fashioned Values

I’m a complicated mix of qualities. I’m very much a modern feminist but I also want a man who treats me with respect, courtesy, and chivalry. I don’t think being treated well is a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength to demand it. Here’s what I want from a man even though it’s tough to find:

  1. He has to have great respect for me. I want a man who not only knows my worth but demonstrates that he does. He knows that amazing women aren’t a dime a dozen and he not only cherishes me but understands that I’m a badass with or without him. He knows I can stand on my own but he wants to stand beside me.
  2. He has to court me. I’m as independent as they come but I also value romance—especially now that it’s so scarce. There’s nothing like a man who’s truly interested and does everything he can to win a girl over. It’s so rare these days that I despair of finding that guy, but I also know that I won’t be happy with anything else.
  3. He has to show me he’s invested. I don’t have time to mess around with players and toxic dudes. A guy needs to prove that he’s all in or I’m out. I’m not down with this new trend of casual dating and “hanging out.” My guy has to want a committed and mature relationship with me and only me. I’m not settling for less.
  4. He has to have good manners. It’s not misogynistic to open doors and pull out chairs—it’s a sign of respect and consideration. I can do it myself, but I can’t stand men who don’t at least make the gesture. I want to be treated well by a guy who also understands that I’m not his property.
  5. He has to take care of me without smothering me. There’s a fine line between being caring and being clingy. It’s a difficult one to master, so this is one of my toughest requirements. So many men assume that I don’t need taking care of because I’m a strong person, but I actually want a very affectionate partner.
  6. He has to admire my strength but not leave me to do everything alone. If I wanted to do everything alone, I’d be alone. It’s as simple as that. I need a guy who acknowledges my personal autonomy but is also there to assist and support me in my ambitions and endeavors. I’ll do the same for him.
  7. He has to nurture me without being condescending. It’s hard to find a man who is mature and evolved enough to understand that he can be sweet without treating me like I’m weak. I know those guys are out there but they are rare. I want someone who finds me special, precious, and worthy of treasuring.
  8. He has to call me out when I’m being unreasonable. I’m human, and sometimes I’m a pain in the butt. It’s true. Everyone has their moments. I need a guy who is strong enough to stand up for himself without being mean-spirited or hitting below the belt. I won’t intentionally hurt my partner and I won’t put up with someone who intentionally hurts me.
  9. He has to have my back the way I have his. I’ll always have my guy’s back unconditionally through thick and thin. I want someone who’s old-fashioned enough to believe in a relationship that is built on a team mentality who’s also modern enough to trust me to stand on my own while he supports me silently.
  10. He has to be a feminist who isn’t a wimp. I don’t want a passive, submissive guy—that’s such a turn-off to me. I hate it when men assume that because I’m a strong, opinionated lady, I want a man who bends to my will. It’s much hotter when a man is evolved and accepts women as equals but also knows how to take charge in certain situations.
  11. He has to be emotionally available and strong at the same time. Ugh—the toughest combo ever to find! I need an emotionally mature and vulnerable man—I’m not messing with these silly little boys anymore. The problem is that most men who are vulnerable are also disasters who want mommies to take care of them. No thanks.
  12. He has to fight for my rights alongside me. I won’t tolerate a man who doesn’t stand up for the rights of all women. If he doesn’t understand how necessary that is, he’s not right for me. At the same time, he needs to be modern enough to get that he’s not doing it FOR me, he’s doing it WITH me.
  13. He needs to know how to defend me even though I’m capable. That’s what partners do—defend each other through everything. I want a man who’s united with me as a strong team. He’s a forward-thinking guy who knows I’m more than able to take care of myself but he’s traditional enough to want to be there for me.
  14. He needs to be 100 percent committed to me and our relationship. I don’t do halfway relationships. If I’m with someone, I’m all in. I’m not looking for someone else better or something else different. I want a man who is the same—very traditional in his beliefs about monogamy and commitment, but modern enough to be okay spending our lives adventuring and child-free.
  15. He has to understand the value of a badass woman and be a badass man for me. I know that I’m worthy of an awesome, beautiful, big love from a special man. I am waiting for someone who appreciates all I have to offer and is committed to constantly evolving, growing and changing. I want modern sensibilities with old-fashioned romance!
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.