It may sound like an oxymoron, but it’s totally possible to hate dating and love the idea of being in a relationship. I’ve been single for the past several years and have definitely tried my best to find someone to share my life with. While it hasn’t happened yet, I’m still hopeful—but that doesn’t mean I enjoy the search. Here’s why dating totally terrifies me:
- I’ve gone on five-minute first dates. It may sound hilarious—and with some hindsight, it kind of is—but I’ve had dates that have lasted a total of five minutes. Recently, a guy showed up to our Tuesday night date so high that his eyelids were flickering and he couldn’t focus on anything except the nachos that he wanted to order. I left after a few minutes because it was clear that this was going nowhere. After an experience like that, is it really any wonder that dating doesn’t excite me?
- I’ve had almost almost-relationships. Are those a thing? In my world, they are. I’ve had the pleasure of going on several dates with a guy, thinking that everything is pointing in the direction of a relationship, and then things go south. We haven’t hooked up yet. We haven’t even talked about the possibility of becoming something. It’s tough to keep trying when I’ve been disappointed so many times.
- I get sick of talking about myself. As an introvert who works as a freelance writer and editor, I spend a lot of time working and listening to podcasts. I definitely enjoy being social and having good conversations, but I don’t love talking about myself. And that means that first dates can get old and fast. After a few of them, I wonder why I have to keep explaining my career choice and my backstory.
- It’s tough to stay positive. I know that there’s no point looking for love if I’m not going to stay optimistic and yet it’s a super hard thing to do. While I absolutely want to find a partner, I hate that nothing can put me in a bad mood like dating can. If I’m confused about a new guy or wondering why my first (or second) dates are going nowhere, my good mood is totally gone.
- I wonder why I have such bad luck. Is modern dating really that horrible or is it all my fault? While I get that it takes a while to meet someone who is worth getting to know better, I always wonder why it seems to be taking me longer than anyone else. I’m tired of the search and yet it’s the only way to get what I want.
- I can’t enjoy the bad date stories anymore. Back in my early single days, a bad date was fodder for a night out with my girlfriends. We laughed and swapped tales and I always felt better on my subway ride home. But these days, I can’t enjoy the bad date stories, and I’m just not having any fun. I would trade the most hilarious dating stories for a magical first date that ended in a relationship.
- I don’t know when a guy likes me. Is there anything scarier than opening up to a new person and hoping that they feel the same way? Probably not. The truth is that I have no idea when a guy likes me. Whenever I’ve suggested to someone that we keep hanging out and see where things go, they freak out and say that they don’t see a relationship happening. It’s pretty confusing and definitely frustrating.
- I find online dating overwhelming AF. Sure, I’m on OkCupid and Tinder and don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. I still worry about dating apps, though. I get overwhelmed by the sea of faces and wonder if it’s really possible to find love online, even though I have so many examples in my life that tell me otherwise.
- I can never seem to make things easier. I know that nothing in life is simple and of course dating shouldn’t be. Why would finding the right person to share my life with be no big deal? I’m always surprised that I can’t streamline my efforts. When I carve out some time and don’t get any matches or dates, it’s annoying, even though of course there is no timeline and I never know what’s going to happen.
- I worry I’m too picky. I don’t think that my list of qualities is crazy—I want to find a guy who’s funny, sweet, smart, and who cares about his career as much as I do. And yet it’s easy to worry that I’m way too picky, especially since I’m still not in a relationship.
- I get cold feet before dates. Most of the time, I get nervous before dates, no matter how much experience I have. I always worry that there will be nothing to talk about and that it’s going to be the worst evening ever. I would love to enjoy the process more, especially since at the end of the day, nothing horrible has actually happened. And that’s exactly why I hate dating but really want to be in a relationship. It may sound like these two things don’t go together but in my life, they totally do, and I’ll be here waiting for the day that I don’t have to date anymore.
