If You Want To Win Over An Independent Woman, You Have To Step Up Your Game

It takes a lot of time, reflection, and hard work to truly become self-sufficient, but once we achieve it, we’re set for life. We know what we want in life and won’t settle for less, and that includes love too. If you want to be with us, you’re going to have to step up to the plate and prove you’re worth it. Here’s how you do it:

  1. Don’t Smother Us. We’re used to taking care of ourselves in every possible way, and that means we’re not used to having people insert themselves into every aspect of our lives. If we like you, we’ll make room for you and value your input, but we still need to think, act, and live independently too. We don’t want to hang out every single night and we won’t be texting you 20 times a day. That doesn’t mean we’re not into you, just that we had a life before you and that doesn’t just go away because we have a guy in our lives now. Try not to smother us or you’ll risk turning us off bigtime.
  2. Put in some real effort. We’re not stupid — we can tell when you’ve actually sat and planned out a date versus thinking something up last minute. We’re not asking for candlelit dinners and dozens of roses, just an evening that you cared enough about to put a little effort into. If you’re not willing to try at this point in the game, what the hell would you be like in a real relationship? If we see you don’t give enough of a damn to put in the effort early on, we’re not likely to stick around for long.
  3. Let us work the room. At dinner parties and group gatherings, we’re usually making our away around the room before our plus-one even knows what’s happening. We’re comfortable initiating conversation with strangers and we truly enjoy socializing from time to time — this shouldn’t intimidate you. We’re warm, friendly, and approachable, but that doesn’t mean we’re flirting with everyone we see, so keep your jealousy in check. You don’t need to follow us around like a lost puppy or catch an attitude because you’re not the center of attention. We’re happy to have you by our sides and will totally introduce you to people, but you should feel confident enough to let us do our thing sometimes.
  4. Let us make the decisions sometimes. Instead of constantly picking where to take us on dates, give us some options or just let us pick! While we totally appreciate when you put time and energy into planning a great day or night out, you also shouldn’t be doing that 100% of the time — we’d like some input too and we’re just as capable of coming up with fun or romantic things to do together. Whether it’s choosing the restaurant to eat at for dinner or deciding where to go for a weekend away, let us take the reins sometimes.
  5. Share our passion for work. Independent women take pride in our careers. We love what we do and if we don’t, we’re actively working towards getting there. It’s important that the guy in our lives understands and respects our work ethic and also has a strong one himself. We’re not interested in how much money you make or whether you’re some high-level exec — we just want you to find what you love to do and do it well. Not being on the same page about career ambitions is a serious dealbreaker.
  6. Be cool with girl time. We need our girls’ nights as much as you need to drink beer and watch sports with the guys. Not only should you be accepting of this, but be supportive of it too — not because it means you get a night with your bros but because you know our girlfriends are important to us and help to keep us sane and balanced. We’ll appreciate your investment in our social lives and give you the same support and encouragement in return.
  7. Make time for us, no matter how busy you are. An independent woman doesn’t want to feel like a backup plan or a last priority. We want to know that taking time out of your busy schedule for us is worth it to you and that you’re happy to do it because you love being with us. We totally get that sometimes things will get really hectic — our lives are the same, after all — but carving out time to be with us will go a long way in winning us over.
  8. Make actual plans. You’ve won half the battle just by making time for us, but you shouldn’t be doing it last minute. Calling us an hour before you want to meet up isn’t just obnoxious, it shows a serious lack of thought, which is never good. If you want to be around us, be considerate and thoughtful enough to plan it a few days (or even a week) in advance.
  9. Treat us with kindness, respect, and courtesy. Every woman deserves this, but we insist upon it. Just because we’re fully capable of doing everything on our own doesn’t mean we always want to. Chipping in to help make our lives easier or just to show us you’re thinking of us should come naturally and if it doesn’t, that’s where the effort comes in again. If you’re going to love us at all, make sure you do it well. Otherwise, we’ll move on.
  10. Don’t play games — they’re for kids. High school was a decade ago, so there’s literally zero excuse for playing games in relationships. Be upfront and honest about what you want or don’t want. Don’t lie or deceive us in an attempt to spare our feelings or because you don’t want to get called out. We respect honesty way more than adolescent BS.
  11. Commit or GTFO.  We’re not saying we want to get married and have 10 kids next week, just that if you’re getting into a relationship with us, you need to be open to the idea of building something long-term. Otherwise, what’s the point? We’re looking for someone who wants to be exclusive and knows that finding someone you really click with, who values and inspires you, is really rare, so when you get it, you don’t take it for granted.
Tori is a recent college graduate trying to find her place in this world. She loves to travel (way too much), play volleyball, and practice her broken German when she isn't working as a safari specialist.