He Wanted To Sleep With Me Before Dating To “See If We Were Compatible” — Haha!

We’d been friends for a few months, but there was definitely a spark between us, so one day he suggested we have sleep with each other to test out our compatibility and see if we should date. Wait, what? Isn’t this supposed to work the other way around?

  1. Hello, hookupSuggesting sleeping with each other before dating sounds to me like nothing but a hookup. I sound jaded, but I’m definitely not one of those people who think that hookups can become relationships. They just lead to heartbreak — usually mine.
  2. He already knew me. After hanging out a bit and chatting a lot as friends, the guy already knew me very well, so he would’ve known if we were compatible or not. Come on! He was just using this excuse to get laid.
  3. He must have been bored or lonely. Why did he suddenly want to sleep with me? It makes me wonder if he was just bored or lonely and trying to find a convenient hookup, especially since he was no stranger to turning friends into lovers.
  4. He made too much effort for it. He suggested that we go away together, which is where it would happen, I guess. That made it even worse. He couldn’t have regular dates in our city but was keen to go away with me? Talk about a lot of effort just to sleep with me, loser. It’s sad how some guys will make so much effort to get laid but none to date.
  5. There are so many alternatives. Here’s an idea: ask me out for coffee or to the movies or suggest we go to a cool cooking class or try that new sushi place. Spending actual time with me — fully clothed — is a great way to figure out if there’s a spark. I hate it when guys make it a “sleep with me or nothing” thing because it’s not, and they’re childish for thinking it is.
  6. I need an emotional connection before sleeping with someone. He might have wanted to explore the physical side of things before undressing a woman’s emotions, but I work the other way around. I also think if he liked me enough, he wouldn’t have minded how we approached things.
  7. I said no and he wouldn’t compromise. When I told him I didn’t think we needed to go away together and sleep together to see if we were compatible, he accepted it but we went back to being friends. Wow, clearly he wasn’t into anything real. I’m really glad we didn’t sleep together because nothing would have come of it.
  8. Sleeping with someone is not the most important thing for me. I know that it is an important part of a relationship, but it really isn’t such a big deal for me that I have to sleep with someone before even dating them. Clearly it was much more important for this guy than it was for me.
  9. He tried to turn it into a test. Can there be anything more stressful than seeing it as some sort of compatibility test? Ugh. It is supposed to happen naturally between two people who are drawn to each other. It’s not a freaking exam. Shame on that guy for reducing it to that.
  10. It probably would’ve turned us into a fling and nothing more. If a guy’s that insistent on sleeping with someone straight away, I reckon he’s probably lying about a relationship being on the cards. I didn’t regret my choice because I knew we probably would have been nothing more than a one-night-stand or fling, and I’m not into those.
  11. He didn’t want to invest time in me. If someone really likes me, he’ll want to spend time with me as much as he wants to have sleep with me. He’ll want to explore my mind and personality as much as my erogenous zones. But with this guy, it was all about the the act. I wasn’t going to be one of his convenient hookups.
  12. He had an easy way out if things went wrong. Since we were friends, a bad experience could have ruined our friendship. By saying that we could use it as a way to test our couple compatibility, this guy had an easy way out if things went wrong. By using the it as a test, it kept things emotion-free. If the act ended up being a bad idea or just awkward for us, he could easily switch back to being friends with no hard feelings.
  13. A guy who’s in a hurry is a big red flag. I don’t get what the big rush is to sleep with someone right away. There’s plenty of time for that later — if the guy is keen on having a relationship as much as I am. If not, then yeah, he’s just in it for a quick session. I’m very wary of men who want to rush to the bedroom because that booty call never makes a worthy boyfriend.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.