Wanting A Guy Who’s Financially Successful Doesn’t Make Me A Gold Digger

Wanting A Guy Who’s Financially Successful Doesn’t Make Me A Gold Digger ©iStock/Eva-Katalin

One of the most common stigmas that a woman who dates a rich guy faces is being called a “gold digger.” It’s a borderline swearword-level insult that insinuates that you’re greedy, fake, and of course, not into a guy for any reason other than a paycheck. I used to feel ashamed for wanting a guy with career and a bit of disposable income, but that’s no longer the case. Here’s why:

  1. It’s not like I don’t contribute to the relationship. When I’m in a relationship, I pay my own way, contribute to shared financial commitments, and buy presents for my partner. I make sure my partner has lots of sex whenever they want, show my appreciation for them, and also try to be a rock in their lives. All I’m really asking for is for someone who can pull their own weight.
  2. I also don’t want to pick up the tab for my partner all the time. Dating is expensive, you know? If the guy I’m dating refuses to pay their own way at a restaurant, that’s not fair to me. I want to be able to enjoy that kind of life without having to foot 100 percent of the bill. If I regularly find myself paying for my partner or acting like a sugar mama, I’ll end up feeling used and hurt.
  3. Considering how I often take care of housework and emotional labor in a relationship, the least a guy could do is provide some financial stability. I’m not saying that this is the case with all relationships, but it’s a common enough thread that it’s a cause for concern for me. I have to ask myself what I’m getting out of a relationship if I’m going to be doing the majority of the legwork to make things work between the two of us. If a potential partner can’t even provide some semblance of financial stability or some kind of pampering, I don’t see why I’d pursue a relationship with that individual. Simply put, it’d be less work and less expensive for me to just clean up after myself and stick to one-night stands.
  4. I want someone who has at least as much cash as I do and who’ll chip in just as much. It’s hard to explain to people that wanting a guy who pulls his own weight doesn’t make me a gold digger, primarily because so many of us are socialized to think otherwise. Nothing is wrong with wanting an equal in terms of money, stability, and financial health.
  5. Being broke tends to suggest a lot of red flags that I don’t want to touch. In the past, the guys who I dated who were broke were extremely irresponsible. They may have had mental issues that kept them from having stable employment, had serious drug addictions that drained their bank account or had issues with maturity. This isn’t sexy, folks! Rather, that’s the kind of behavior that makes any sane person run for the hills. Why wouldn’t I prefer a guy who has a good paycheck, knowing that they would probably be a better match?
  6. I’m a money-oriented person and want someone who has the same mentality as I do about cash. I like my money. I like playing the stock market, I enjoy reading up on ETF trading, and yes, I’ve even studied up on real estate investments. If a guy doesn’t care enough about money to cultivate it, then that’s a major lifestyle difference that will very likely cause a rift between me and a potential partner. A guy who has money is a guy who often has the same mentality on cash that I do. If he doesn’t have that mentality, chances are he wouldn’t stay wealthy.
  7. I equate money with opportunities, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner who expands my horizons. If you’re flat broke, there’s not a lot you can do in terms of courtship, lifestyle, and even life decisions. What’s wrong with wanting someone who can open up different options for you? Isn’t that what we should want, whether we’re male or female?
  8. Guys who tend to shame women for “gold digging” tend to be very misogynistic, hateful, and unmotivated to actually improve their lives. The reason guys like this feel the need to hate on girls who want a guy with a bank account is because the guys who do this know they aren’t successful. They can’t cope with the fact that girls aren’t interested in them, so the way these guys lash out in anger and name-calling to make themselves feel better. This isn’t sexy, nor is this anything that I want to be associated with. Oddly enough, the guys who actually do have cash very rarely will ever behave this way.
  9. As bad as it sounds, you also can’t eat love. Having been broke to the point of living in an industrial warehouse at one point, I can say with some authority that a relationship needs more than love to survive. If you’re dirt poor to the point that you have to argue over what you can afford to eat, then your relationship will probably be a miserable one. Simply put, you can’t eat love and we need money to survive.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.