Wanting Specific Qualities In A Guy Doesn’t Mean You’re Too Picky, It Means You Have Standards

When you know all the qualities you want in a guy, you can sometimes be seen as “too demanding.” While it’s definitely possible to be a bit OTT with the specifics, chances are you’re simply being smart and setting standards when it comes to love that will ultimately increase your chances of finding a real, lasting, meaningful relationship. Here are some things to look for:

  1. A similar educational background He doesn’t need to have attended an ivy league school, but you do want your guy to have an education. Finishing at least a bachelor’s degree shows that he cared about bettering his future and that he can stick with something through to completion. You also don’t run the risk of not being intellectually stimulated. Having someone to debate current topics with is a turn-on.
  2. Healthy short- and long-term goals Having an idea of what you want to accomplish over the next one to 10 years (give or take) is important for a lot of people. Buying a home, getting a promotion by a certain age, or vacationing places you’ve never been before are often referenced in goal setting. It’s only natural that you want the guy you’re with to have the same mentality — he needs to have plans and not rest on his laurels.
  3. A good relationship with his family and yours Of course there are instances when people don’t have good relationships with their families and the reasons for that are totally understandable (this could even be the case with your own family). However, knowing that your guy gets along with their family and values them is important — you want to see that he has the capacity to replicate his relationship to them in your own relationship, especially if you see being together long-term.
  4. Similar interests as you, or at the very least, interest in your interests There isn’t the need to share absolutely everything with each other, but having a guy show interest in what you like is nice. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but him going to a museum to check out a new exhibit, trying a new restaurant for your foodie fix, or watching bad reality TV with you means everything.
  5. A sense of responsibility and a stable career You’re responsible and have a stable career and good work ethic, so no surprise you want the same from your guy. There’s nothing wrong with needing your partner to have a job in a solid industry that he’s also passionate about. Knowing that he’s mature and on a solid career path he’s in love with is just as attractive as any physical quality.
  6. Willingness to make you a priority There’s nothing worse than feeling alone in a relationship, so when you’re committed to a guy, you want to know that he has the capacity and desire to put you first. You may have days where you’re questioning your future and the anxiety that comes with it means you’ll need him to drop everything and be there for you. Knowing your guy will comfort and help you sort through things when you need it is lovely.
  7. Emotional availability Being with a guy who’s closed off is not an option. You know what you need in order to feel loved and safe in a relationship and you’re not shy about it. Communication is super important for a partnership to last, and knowing that and requiring it can save you from future heartbreak if he doesn’t express himself openly and honestly.
  8. The ability to accept you in all your (possibly complicated) glory No one is ever perfect. We all have quirks and idiosyncrasies that our friends and family find either endearing or annoying. It may be tiring for a guy to handle your quirks sometimes, sure, but when he has your back through your intermittent craziness, you feel loved for who you are, flaws and all.
  9. Complete and total honesty Beyond him telling you whether he likes your outfit, you want a guy who will tell you what he truly thinks about your potential career move or the latest political blunder. It’s also really important that he let you know when he feels there’s a problem between you. No relationship is perfect, and you just want the opportunity to consider your guy’s opinions and concerns in order to grow together.
  10. Optimism and a positive attitude Having a stand-up guy by your side is sexy. You want him to be caring and confident about his place in the world and with you, and get the importance of morality. He should be a great influence on you and help you strive to reach new goals and become a better person.
  11. Matching sex drive Sex is very important in a relationship. Whether you have a low, moderate, or high sex drive, you want a guy who can keep pace with you. If there’s a disconnect, you can find yourself out of touch and distant with each other.
When Stasi Pridgon isn’t working toward improving the U.S. health care system as a Project Manager, she's writing thoughtful, fun and snarky lifestyle and relationship articles she hopes millennials like her can relate to. She loves watching television shows (including guilty pleasure reality TV) and films, screenwriting and hanging out and going on adventures with her friends, family and boyfriend.