10 Ways Fiercely Independent Women Love Differently

10 Ways Fiercely Independent Women Love Differently ©iStock/stock_colors

Did you manage to snag an independent woman? Impressive. These women are confident, courageous, and classy. You’re in for a treat. Before you start to celebrate, though, there are some things you should know. If she’s used to being on her own, she may still be a bit hesitant about this whole relationship thing. Here’s what you need to know about the fiercely independent woman as she comes to terms with her newly coupled-up status.

  1. She’s going to need a lot of alone time. She’s used to having complete control over her own schedule, and that schedule includes at least an hour a day of trashy television time, alone. Non-negotiable.
  2. If she says she’s busy when you ask her out, do NOT ask her what she’s doing or who she’s doing it with. If she volunteers it, great. If she doesn’t, though, don’t push her. You’ll seem suspicious or jealous, and that’s not cool. She hasn’t had to answer to anyone in a long time, and she’s not about to start now.
  3. You’re going to need to take the lead. She’s cool being by herself, so if she’s got a free weekend she may not immediately reach out to you to fill it up. At least in the beginning, you may need to be the one to suggest doing something together.
  4. If she goes off the grid for a while, be communicative but not pushy. Sometimes she just needs a break. It’s not you. Tell her you’re thinking about her, but don’t bombard her with messages.
  5. She may try to scare you off. Frankly, this whole relationship thing is overwhelming. It’s new, it’s scary, and she’s worried about how you fit in with all of the other life and career goals she’s been chasing after until now. She may try to self-sabotage. Please be patient.
  6. She might have trouble committing to any advance plans. You might think she’s being flaky as a way to keep you interested, but really she’s just not used to having to decide in advance what she wants to do a week from now. Usually she could just cut out and cancel if she wasn’t up for it, but suddenly there are all of these expectations.
  7. You’re going to want to get in good with her friends. They’re her crew. They’ve been there for her through all of the ups and downs, and through all of the guys that have broken her heart. If they don’t give you a thumbs up, she’s going to take that into consideration.
  8. You’d better have your own hobbies, interests, and friends. She won’t respect you if you don’t.
  9. If you don’t like her pet, it’s a dealbreaker. You’re allergic? Too bad. Afraid of dogs? Get over it. She’s known Fido for longer than she’s known you. If it’s between you or the dog, it very well might be the dog.
  10. She may not be comfortable with public displays of affection. She’s been in the position of third wheel before, and she hated feeling awkwardly uncomfortable about it. She won’t want to put others in the same position.

Things fiercely independent women hate about being single

While being in a relationship takes adjusting to, that doesn’t mean being single is any easier. We struggle with these things when we’re on our own sometimes.

  1. Getting laid takes effort. Even in a relationship, sex might not happen every single day. Yeah, your partner might not always be in the mood, but it’s a hell of a lot easier than getting some when you’re single. If you don’t have a hookup buddy lined up, you have to go out of your way to find someone worthy of experiencing you in all your naked, sexy glory. That can be a serious challenge no matter how awesome you are.
  2. Sometimes we just really want to cuddle. As much as we love our pets, it’s nice to snuggle with an actual human sometimes. When you’re in a relationship, you have an automatic cuddle buddy, but when you’re single… not so much. Plus, it’s hard to find someone who just wants to be a one-night stand for cuddles when you aren’t in the mood for sex.
  3. Dating is such a hassle. At least when you’re in a relationship, you can be pretty sure that you’ve found someone you enjoy spending time with. When you want to get back into casually or seriously dating, you have to deal with kissing a lot of frogs to find a frog who sucks less than the other frogs.
  4. Everyone treats us like we’re fresh out of a breakup. We want to punch someone in the face every time I hear, “Oh, honey. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone,” when we reveal that we’re single. Just because we’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean that we’re constantly heartbroken over that fact. We’re fiercely independent and we like it that way. If only more people understood that.
  5. All of our friends are coupled up. It’s not that we’re not happy for my friends who are in relationships — it’s just getting a little old to CONSTANTLY be an extra wheel. We’re lucky to have awesome friends who don’t make us feel like a pity case when we hang out with them and their significant others. But at the same time, it is more fun to hang out with couples when you’re part of a couple yourself.
  6. No one gets that we might be single by choice. “How doesn’t someone like you have a boyfriend?” Um, maybe because we don’t want one? It feels like just about every single woman hears this at some point. And while it’s true that plenty of them might actively be looking for a relationship, it’s kind of a bad move to assume that someone SHOULD be in a relationship just because she’s a cool person. Sometimes, a gal just wants to spend some time making herself a priority no matter how many guys might want to change her relationship status.
  7. Plans are harder to make. We’re not above going to the movies or a restaurant by ourselves, but we’d be lying if we said that it’s often more fun to go with someone. When you’re single, you either have to set up a date or arrange plans with friends. We all know how hard that can be. When you’re in a relationship, it’s so much easier to wrangle your partner into checking out the new brunch place around the corner so you can share the experience with someone you care about.
  8. It’s harder to get guys to respect our boundaries. We hate that we live in a world where the easiest way to get a guy to leave you alone is by telling him you have a boyfriend, but here we are. Regardless of whether or not we’re actually in a relationship, we have no problem whipping out this excuse when a guy doesn’t respect my “no.” But when the dude in question actually knows us, he’s going to know we’re lying. When you’re a single girl, you constantly have guys asking WHY you’re not interested rather than being able to whip out the “already taken” excuse and watching the issue (usually) go away immediately.
  9. When we do decide we’re ready for a relationship, the process takes forever. We’re fiercely independent, not robots. Some people love the early stages of a relationship, but we kind of hate them. We’d much rather jump right into the part where our partners everything about us and vice versa and we trust each other completely. The whole routine of finding someone worth dating, then deciding if he’s worth sticking around for, then figuring out if it’s love or just “like” seems to take an eternity. And yet, every single person will have to deal with it once they decide they don’t want to be single anymore.
  10. Yeah, we do get lonely. Ugh, fine, we’ll admit it. Sometimes, we do miss being in a relationship despite loving the fact that we’re fiercely independent. Even though most of our time as single women is much less stressful than our time in relationships, there are times when we miss being someone’s girlfriend and doing cute couple-y things. Still, when we start craving a relationship, all we have to do is remember how much we wanted to be single when we were taken, and it usually goes away pretty fast.
Jessica Levy is a freelance blogger and content writer. She’s also a politics junkie, a fledgling foodie, and a frequent traveler. She has lived in Morocco, Israel, India, and Barbados, and never wants to be cold again. Follow her on Twitter!